Chasing the Blues: Tips for Coping with Holiday and Winter Stress
Even before Halloween dawns with its candy and trick-or-treaters, you can already feel overwhelmed with the signs of the upcoming holidays. You also see people grit their teeth and clench their fists as they enter stores filled with garishly-decorated silver and even pink Christmas trees, electric menorrahs, and music-playing Kwaanzaa cards. Those who avoid the malls and shopping centers are treated to “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” commercials during breaks in evening news coverage detailing war, layoffs, fears of a killer bird flu, sky-high fuel prices, record level bankruptcies and those whose lives remain shattered in the aftermath of the late summer hurricanes.
Yet it does not take a stressed wallet, job insecurity, loved ones in combat, or the very real effects of a natural disaster to develop a nasty case of the blues. The approach of the nearly six week-long holiday season – followed sharp on its heels by the stark, often frigid grayness of January and beyond – affects almost everyone, directly or indirectly.
Some experts believe that for every person who genuinely enjoys almost every moment of this time of year, as many as 10 others experience significant symptoms of anxiety and depression. Between those two extremes, many others report their emotions are far more likely to shift broadly, unpredictably, and often.
Take Rosemary, a 36-year-old mother of two from Northern New Jersey. Happy in her marriage and her career, she describes herself as a very fortunate person who normally feels her well-organized life is very much in balance. “Yet every year, starting in early November and lasting usually throughout January, I become a totally different person. I snap. I yell. I burst into tears at moments when everyone else is smiling and laughing. While I usually jump out of bed in the morning, eager to greet the day, I stick earplugs in my ears and pull the covers over my head as I invent excuses to skip work, parties, family gatherings. I become so miserable that I know it’s hurting my kids and husband; I ruin the holidays for them every single year.”
This sentiment is echoed by JoAnn Lowey, now a life coach in suburban Los Angeles, who reports she spent years in which every holiday and post-holiday season triggered wild mood swings and emotional outbursts that cost her both jobs and two marriages. Always an overachiever and perfectionist, Lowey admits, she insisted that her blended family – where they celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah – faithfully participate in every tradition. Every detail had to be perfect, and every carefully crafted event had to look like it came from the pages of a magazine devoted to sumptuous entertaining.
“In past years, from Thanksgiving Eve to New Year’s Day, I had activities scheduled just about everyday and, when the least little thing went wrong as it always does, I went ballistic. Ask my now adult children about our family holidays and they’ll tell you how many times I tore down the tree or took already wrapped presents back to the store because something wasn’t quite right or I didn’t feel appreciated. Yet, instead of a great sense of relief when the holidays were over, depression set in so heavily I could not function. The bright lights were gone along with the cheery music. Until the first signs of spring, I had to drag myself out of bed each morning to go to work and headed back to bed as soon as I could after I got home.”
Real life statistics bear this out. Domestic disputes and messy breakups, reports of physical and emotional abuse as well as incidents of road rage, and serious fights between everyone from young school children to the elderly soar during this period. Well-dressed, well-heeled women have come to blows with one another to see who gets the last unit of this year’s hot toy. Store clerks say they are much more likely to be berated, pushed around and yes, even bitten this time of year.
When it come to this frenetic time of year when daylight is at a premium, it perhaps should be no surprise that phones ring off the hook at mental health hotlines and prayer lines. Use and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, prescription narcotics, over-the-counter sleeping aids and sedating cough medicine, along with illicit drugs is never higher than during these 10 crucial weeks. And this doesn’t even take into account the myriad ways we abuse ourselves by overindulgence in ultra rich, over sweetened meals and snacks, often served up in extremely generous portions. Since diet and drugs of any kind can seriously impact on our overall well-being, this kind of poorly prescribed self treatment can morph a case of the blues into dark clouds of despair. Many people throughout the world have been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder – with its appropriate acronym of SAD – where decreased levels of natural sunlight can spur depressive episodes. Some get relief through a combination of medication and special lights designed to replicate daylight. But this does not work for everyone. Too many of us dismiss the misery as a fact of life, so we are unwilling to visit the doctor or talk about the feelings with others.
“Part of the problem is that everything in our culture tells us we’re supposed to be surrounded by dozens of family members and friends for the holidays. All too often, however, the holidays don’t live up to our expectations. Then, immediately on the heels of the festive lights and roasted chestnuts, we’re hit with the reality of cold weather, high energy and heating bills, and too many days when it is pitch black by 5 PM. The holiday season drains us so severely, we don’t always have the mental, physical or even financial resources left over to deal with daily existence until spring. A lot of people can’t grin and bear it either,” says Lowey.
But the holidays and winter do not have to bring misery and disillusionment, reports Lowey and many other professionals. A little planning, along with forcibly pushing ourselves out of our ruts, can go a long way to improve both our attitudes and our well-being.
With this in mind, here are 12 recommendations that will not only make January seem less arduous, but can also add joy and energy to your life you may otherwise find lacking. You don’t have to try just one of them either; combining parts of one idea with elements of others may bring about even better results.
1. Get involved in a group or organization you’ve always wanted to participate in. Even if a group happens to meet less over the holidays, you can do some research into the group or subject to prepare for the first meeting you attend.
2. Volunteer your time. Many people without other family to spend holidays or other special times with get a big boost from helping others, like lonely senior citizens or the poor, who are often hit worst by winter’s cold or loneliness at this time of year. Also, while many are happy to volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving or Christmas, such places need help all year round.
3. Learn a new skill. Long winter nights and bad weather weekends make excellent time to focus on learning a new language, how to set up a Web site or a blog, genealogy, or specific skills that might help you get ahead at work.
4. If you’re alone and know others in the same situation, organize little get-togethers to watch a movie, play cards, exercise, or take weekend trips. You not only stand to make new friends but have some fun in doing so.
5. Make indoor home improvements. You can derive much satisfaction by organizing a cluttered storage space, painting rooms long overdue for touch-up, or transforming your living area into a more inviting place. You can increase the value of your own home at the same time you feel the reward in accomplishing the long-procrastinated over job.
6. Begin planning a spring garden. Many plants do best when started indoors as early as January. With little cost, you can set up an area with proper lights and make-shift shelves needed for the operation.
7. Connect with friends, family, or associates whom you don’t usually see. This is another thing we tend to put off, and since other folks may be feeling the blues as well, you can all benefit from the social interaction.
8. Try your hand at writing, journaling, painting, or drawing or other artful pursuits.
9. Just because the holidays end does not mean all the bright, cheerful lights need to go as well. String leftover white or colored lights over a doorway, a large indoor plant, or somewhere else to brighten your time at home.
10. Start an exercise or stress-reduction regimen. Yoga, aerobics, jazzercise, or finally using your treadmill or stationary bicycle for more than a clothing rack lifts spirits, melts away extra pounds, and gets you in shape for better weather coming.
11. Short on funds? Take an extra, part-time job and put aside funds from it for a mid-winter get-away trip or a special new purchase.
12. Plan mini-celebrations throughout winter to shore you up from any holiday let-down. A special dinner here and a great day trip there not only buoy spirits but give you something to look forward to all winter long.
