Child Custody in Divorce and Its Effect on the Children of that Couple
In today’s society one major concern is the issue of a married couple filing for a divorce. While under many circumstances divorce may be the best option available for a couple who feels as if they can not reconcile their differences, it has a great impact on the children in that family. With divorce rates being as high as they are today, it is not surprising that there is a generation of children who suffer emotional difficulties due to their parent’s decision to separate.
When a couple divorces one of the main issues they are faced with is who will get custody of their children, if they will share custody, or if there is one parent who the other does not deem fit to have the right to even share custody. The fact remains that when the court decides where the child will reside, they are trying to the best of their ability, to make a decision based on the best interest of the child. There are some circumstances in which it is not safe for a child to be with one of his or her parents, such as if the parent has a substance abuse problem or has a problem with physical abuse.
But, in most circumstances parents without these types of problems can share custody of their children with out objection by either side. The first type of child custody is sole legal custody. In this type of custody only one parent legally gives up the right to make decisions and be responsible for the children.
The parent who is awarded custody is “âÂ?¦given control over child rearing.” (DeGenova & Rice, 2002). This means that the parent who has custody of the children has the legal right and obligation to make all decisions regarding how that child will be raised, where it will attend school, what medical attention it receives, and any other decision that would be considered detrimental to the development of that child.
Another type of custody that can be awarded in a divorce is joint legal custody. This means that both parents continue to share the obligations of raising a child even though they are no longer married. The parents both assume responsibility for making decisions regarding the child’s health and wellbeing. Frequently children in this type of custody will spend a certain amount of time with one parent and spend the remainder with the other parent.
This type of custody will often produce situations such as the children living with the mother during the week, and going to stay with their father during the weekend, or vice versa.
Although the issue of custody seems as if it is an easy situation to solve, there are often fights that irrupt on the basis of who wants custody, which parent feels they are the most fit for custody, or who feels that the other parent is unfit for custody. A child who has to experience the divorce of their parents, along with the disputes over custody that may follow, will undoubtedly experience some kind of psychological reaction to the situation.
“Estimates predict that over 40% of all children will be confronted with and will have to adjust to the legal divorce of their parents.” (Krauss & Sales, 2000)*. This statistic may seem alarming to many, but it is a reality that the youth of our society face, which leaves me to wonder: what affect does this sort of experience have on the children of divorced parents?
“Research evidence has clearly demonstrated that, on average, children from divorced families are not as well adjusted as those in intact families, although this relative disadvantage does not necessarily imply clinical levels of maladjustment.” (Bauserman, 2002)**. This statement offers one theory of how children are typically not as well adjusted as children in families who do not divorce. In my experience, this has also been a prevalent side effect of the children I knew whose parents had divorced.
My cousin John’s parents divorced when he was 12 years old, he witnessed violence from his father toward his mother, and he also witnessed a long drawn-out custody battle between his parents. I noticed, as we both got older, that he was not developing the same way that I was socially, even though we were in the same class and we had many of the same friends. He was often angry, and no one knew why. Our teacher would have to have conferences with his mom about how he tried to start fights with other students.
I feel that this anger came from the hostility that he witnessed during their divorce, and the violence in class came directly from the violence that he witnessed between his mother and his father. The problem with divorce and its effect on children is that it not only affects them emotionally, but that emotional disruption can become apparent in other aspects of that child’s daily life, such as social interactions, schooling, and developmental processes.
The startling fact remains that “âÂ?¦children of divorce are 2-3 times more likely to experience emotional problems than children from intact families are.” (Krauss & Sales, 2000)*, and since the success rate for marriage today is estimated to be around 50%, it means that there is going to be an entire generation that has been effected by the divorce of their parents, a whole group of children who will develop emotional, social, and other life affecting problems due to this.
I understand that sometimes it is better for a married couple to go separate ways, especially in cases of abuse like my cousin John’s family, but we, as parents and caregivers, are responsible for going about the split in such a way that it does not present such a traumatic situation for the children involved.
In my opinion the adults involved often get so wrapped up in who’s better than who and who gets what, that they often forget that the reason that they are in this situation is to decide on what is best for the child, not to hold a “who’s the best person contest.” We need to start focusing more on the effect that our actions have on our children and really start to make their best interest the top priority when dealing with custody in divorce cases.
*http://web17.epnet.com/citation.asp?tb=1&_ug=dbs+0+ln+en%2Dus+sid+AA6C0F56%2D46AD%2D4569%2DBB0F%2D14CAD9ACDEA1%40sessionmgr3%2Dsessionmgr4+D4C4&_us=bs+divorce++And+++custody+ds+divorce++And+++custody+dstb+ES+fh+0+hd+0+hs+0+or+Date+ri+KAAACBZB00085824+sm+ES+ss+SO+E329&cf=1&fn=1&rn=4
**http://web17.epnet.com/citation.asp?tb=1&_ug=dbs+0+ln+en%2Dus+sid+AA6C0F56%2D46AD%2D4569%2DBB0F%2D14CAD9ACDEA1%40sessionmgr3%2Dsessionmgr4+D4C4&_us=bs+divorce++And+++children+ds+divorce++And+++children+dstb+ES+fh+0+hd+0+hs+0+or+Date+ri+KAAACBZB00085553+sm+ES+ss+SO+E96D&cf=1&fn=1&rn=4
