Child Molesters and Terrorist Wackos – an Amicable Solution

The mysterious case of who murdered JonBenet Ramsey is back in the news with the arrest of John Mark Karr in Thailand. Mr. Karr has allegedly confessed to being with the young girl when she died and was apparently also being held in Bangkok on, you guessed it, other sex charges. This of course comes just days after a bunch of terrorist, wacko jihadists were arrested and their plot to blow up planes filled with people over the Atlantic was disrupted.

The two incidents are not, in and of themselves, related except for the fact that I think I have come up with an amicable solution that will help us with the persistent problem of child molesters and at the same time make those that want to practice Jihad and kill “infidels” happy by aiding them on their journey to paradise – er, I mean Hell. It is truly a bolt of inspiration that struck me while accidentally looking at both these recent events.

People that prey on children for sex are right on par with people that want to strap bombs to themselves (or their children) and kill men, women and children going about their daily lives. Being so equally low on the evolutionary food chain I think that it is only right that we create a program to get these two groups together. You know, kind of like a “Big Brother” program or, better yet, a dating service for scumbags.

So here is the plan. Jihad loving terrorists would be allowed come into our prisons and pick out their own child molester to “mentor”. Maybe we will come up with a 40-point “compatibility” survey or something like that to make sure the matches are perfect. I have not quite decided on that. But once we have several groups of terrorists and child rapists paired up we will provide them with a small air plane and train one of the terrorists to fly it out of the goodness of our hearts.

All of them will be loaded on to the plane and then it will be welded shut to ensure none of our new couples can get off. We will give them enough fuel to get about 100 miles out over the ocean. Of course it will be guided by remote control for, let’s say, the first 75 miles of its flight just in case the terrorist pilot gets any bright ideas. We do not want to give these nutjobs a chance to veer off course and seek out the nearest city.

Each of the terrorists on the plane will also be given their own suicide vests which, will again, be disarmed until they reach at least the 75 mile mark. At which time all suicide vests will be activated.

Then Mohammed, Habib, Achmed, or whoever the pilot is will come on the intercom, lead the terrorists in a fervent chant of “Allah akbar!” and command all the terrorists to detonate their vests over the calm blue waters of either the Atlantic or the Pacific.

Maybe we will also fill the cargo hold of the plane with unclean pigs that will splatter the terrorists with blood when they go boom. Think of it like a “lottery”. If you are lucky enough to not get caught in the splatter you make it to paradise – uh, sorry again – I mean Hell.

I think it is the perfect solution to two of the biggest problems we face today. I would suggest that this program be done in secret by our government but I know that the New York Times would eventually find out about it and blow the cover off it anyway. So I will make this proposal with the terrorists in public. The deal is that you can kill yourself and take an “infidel” who happens to be a child molester with you.

Maybe we can call it “Take an Infidel child molester to work day.” What do you say? Do we have a deal?