Children With Anxiety

At worrywisekids.org, parents of one of the millions of children who suffer from excessive fears and anxieties can get help for their kids.

The organization’s mission is to improve the quality of life for anxious children and their families by providing parents, educators, and mental health professionals with comprehensive, user-friendly information on the full range of anxiety disorders.

Some kids are natural worriers as evidenced by one eight-year-old, who after hearing about the Tsunami last year asked his mom “What if a wave comes through our house?”

At a recent recovering meeting, Brandy’s ten-year-old son, Julian worried that his presentation wasn’t good enough, so much so that he cried afterwards and ran outside.

“He’s just a little Alanon in the making,” Brandy told her friends, worried herself.

Without intervention kids are thrown daily to pick up any danger, and distort any risk.

Even in the best of situations all children experience some anxiety in the form of worry, apprehension, dread, fear or distress, according to worrywisekids.org.

From toddlers to teens life’s challenges may be met with a temporary retreat from the situation, a greater reliance on parents for reassurance, a reluctance to take chances, and a wavering confidence, according to the organization’s website.

Typical childhood fears start in infancy, says the group. In school-age children, each year, with access to new information, children begin to fear real world dangers – fire drills, burglars, storms, illness, or drugs. Anxiety is considered a disorder not based on what a child is worrying about but rather how that worry is impacting a child’s functioning.

Robin, a single mom of two girls, says her older daughter is “more intense, like I was which worries me.”

Barbara, another single mom of two, says her daughter Grace worries a lot.

“She’s just so sensitive,” Barbara said. “Teachers have been critical but I just tell her that she is special and not to change herself to suit others.”

Common red flags for parents include demonstrating excessive distress out of proportion to the situation: crying, physical symptoms, sadness, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and embarrassment. Kids who worry a lot may become easily distressed or agitated when in a stressful situation.

During a recent trip to Starbucks, a mom with two kids was tending to her daughter who had spilled a drink to which the little girl replied, “This always happens.”

Then there is anticipatory anxieties when kids worry hours, days, and weeks ahead of time. Worriers have disruptions of sleep with difficulty falling asleep, frequent nightmares, and difficulty sleeping alone.

They may suffer from perfectionism, be self-critical, and have very high standards that making nothing good enough. They could be overly responsible, people pleasing, and have excessive concern that others are upset with him or her, and have unnecessary apologizing.

These behaviors transfer to adulthood too, if not treated, like in the case of Denise, in her 30s, who apologizes all the time.

“I say I’m sorry when I didn’t do anything wrong,” she explains. “If someone steps on my foot I apologize.”

Kids who worry a lot demonstrate excessive avoidance, refuse to participate in expected activities, and refuse to attend school like Hannah, a five-year-old beauty queen who cried at breakfast, refusing to eat because she said she was wearing too much green and that when she got to school kids were going to make fun of her.

Worriers have disruption of child or family functioning, difficulty with going to school, a friend’s houses, family gatherings, errands, and vacations.

There is an excessive time spent consoling the child about distress with ordinary situations, coaxing the child to do normal things like homework, hygiene, and meals.

Author Michael Angier, founder of Success Networks International, grew up on a farm and said he used to worry a lot.

“I came to the awareness that worry was like prayer in reverse,” he said. “Somehow I had it wired up that worry was actually virtuous.”

The Burgers, who have three kids, observe that their middle child, Liz tries to be ultra-responsible and she worries a lot. They talk this over with the babysitter while driving her home.

Author Dave Pelzer worried all the time as a kid because his mother was abusing him so he had to constantly second-guess what would set her off in order to prevent more beatings. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not.

Writer Christine Dvornik suggests doing crafts and other activities with kids who worry excessively to take their mind off of things.

Sam Goldstein, author of Paying Attention to the Inflation of Worry, says that sometimes it appears that many of the adverse, current events have opened up a Pandora’s Box for children.

Recent research shows that because anxiety disorders run in family they may be seen by parents as normal for the whole family.