Computer Addiction: One Mother’s True Story
If you wonder just how I reached this place in my life, where my life centered on a computer that was online, then this is my story.
I went online in 2000. At the time, my Internet service provider was not local so I had to pay long distance charges whenever I was online. The cost kept me from spending too much time on the Internet but in late 2002, a local service made it possible for me to be online as much as I wanted.
My addiction began with e-mail. I just loved the ability to get in touch and stay in touch with friends and relatives. Some of the ones I had lost touch with; I connected with thanks to e-mail. Before long, I was sending messages, jokes, and pictures everywhere. I looked forward to checking my e-mail and did so about six times a day.
Next I discovered online communities and forums. I joined one that was for the city where I live with local input and opinions. It was fun to get online and gripe about potholes, city officials, and to share news of upcoming things. After that, I found a forum for Elvis fans.
I always wanted to write so I started looking into things that might help me become the writer I dreamed about becoming. I joined writer’s communities and groups. I also joined some online book clubs.
By then, I realized that I could read spoilers for my favorite soap operas online. Each weekend I got the scoop on what was coming up. I realized that many of my favorite TV shows had websites. Then I started reading about a lot of my favorite actors and actresses.
I found out you could listen to and download music on line and that was a blast.
I used to watch the news to know what was going on in the world but I found out I could find out faster (I don’t have cable) online. I became a sort of news junkie, trolling the Internet in search of breaking news and the latest news of the weird. I found out you could get the weather too and so forget the local newscasts! I had it first!
Chat rooms were next. I started spending hours online chatting with people all over the place, even in foreign countries. It was great. Some of it got pretty sexy and sometimes downright nasty but I figured that was just part of it.
I joined groups for people of my same denomination, for mothers, for divorced women, and for women who write.
Next I came across E-bay and maxxed out my credit cards buying cool stuff. It felt the world’s most fantastic rummage sale – odds and ends and about anything you could hope to find. Old LPs, books, clothes, movies, and even psychic readings.
Before long, I got up in the morning so I could check my e-mail and then start surfing around the Internet. My kids ate cold cereal and got on the bus alone because I was too busy on the Internet.
No one could ever call me on the phone because it was busy. The guy I had been dating gave up on me. He could never get through on the phone and he wanted to go out to the movies or to eat when all I wanted was to be online.
My house started being a mess all the time. Some days I would clean a little or run the vacuum cleaner but then I would think of something I just had to look up and I was back online. By last fall, you could hardly walk through the house. Dirty dishes spilled out of the sink and over the counters in my kitchen. Laundry was piled up so high I could hardly see the washer and dryer. The dryer was full so was the dishwasher.
Both bathrooms were dirty. The kids’ room exploded and I let it go because I wanted to be online with all my new friends.
Then there were games, trivia and other games. I played and played. At work, I got caught playing games when I should have been entering accounts receivable. I almost got fired but that didn’t stop me. I just sneaked around better so the boss wouldn’t notice I wasn’t working.
I met a guy online and we “talked” all the time. I thought he was my soul mate and that we might meet and get togetherâÂ?¦until I found out he’d been married for 26 years and was just playing with me for fun. I thought I was in love and he was just having fun!
That woke me up to what was going on in my life. I realized that I was neglecting my kids my job, my home, and myself. I was so tired I couldn’t even think straight because I stayed up all night almost every night online. I’d grab two or three hours sleep, then get the kids up and go to work, often late.
So after Thanksgiving, I put the computer away for awhile. I unhooked it and tossed it in the closet. My kids and I had fun decorating for Christmas and the holidays were great. If I hadn’t got a grip and put the computer up, I might have missed Christmas and all the fun.
After the holidays were over, I talked to a counselor through work about my fascination with the Internet. She told me that I had been addicted. After a lot of chats with her, I think I can conquer my addiction. I think that I can go online in a responsible way and limit my time. So far, I’ve been online for about an hour each morning and then not again (except for work-related stuff during the day) until after the kids are in bed for another hour or so. I’m in bed by 11pm.
The Internet is a marvelous, mind-boggling thing but it’s seductive. It can be an addiction and it can wreck your life if you don’t get it in check. I’m glad that I woke up to what I was doing and I’m glad now that my “friend” was stringing me along. Otherwise, I might never have realized that the computer had become the center .
