Conceiving a Child: How to Insure Your Name Lives on

Every man worth his salt wants to impregnate a woman and have her bear a male heir. Sure it is helpful to love the woman and vice-versa, so that your heir can be properly groomed in all that is macho, but there is no reason to limit yourself to one male heir, let alone one receptacle to carry him. So herein lies a guide to help the undiscerning male insure his name lives on forever. Or at least until he dies and doesn’t know any better.

First off, find a drinking establishment that is a nightly home to loose women. Don’t waste your money on these whores though. Wait until at least an hour before closing and stroll in. The undesirables will be desperate at this point. You may not even have to buy one drink. Sure your offspring may be hideous, but that will only make him bitter and angry. The spitting image of his father. Now you may be saying to yourself, “But what about the possibility of disease?” Well, if you pick the correct women from this selection then you should be fine.

Can’t bring yourself to go humpster diving? Look into a Chinese mail-order bride. She will come equipped with two important qualities. Obedience and the belief that she must kill every child she bears that is not a male. I do advise though that you insist on a sturdy bride when ordering. One look at the population in China and you just know she’s gonna be popping them kiddies out.

Travel. Or better yet, join the NBA. A posse of groupies in a different city nearly every night. Have you seen the number of kids some of these guys have produced over a short mediocre career? Even if you are the last player on the end of the bench you are bound to get some residuals.

So you aren’t all that athletic. Start a band. Perhaps even a more select group of tramps reside backstage at concert venues across the world. Hell, if you can’t sing or play an instrument, become a roadie. Roadies are usually responsible for getting the groupies backstage, and are therefore able to pick a few for themselves. I personally started a band consisting of all females (myself excluded), so that i would have a glut of groupies.

This should be obvious, but if you are a homosexual you are never going to impregnate your partner by punching his turds. You must resign yourself to the fact that you must “make love” to a female to procreate. Even if it does feel nasty.

Although this is illegal, there is always the avenue of becoming a whore. But keep in mind you must be well endowed with striking good looks, and all the skills in the bedroom. I tried this route and fell well short on all counts.

If all else fails you may have to face reality. You need to stop masturbating non-stop like a acne riddled twelve year old boy. How can you expect to conceptualize with any woman when billions of your possible heirs end up in Kleenex and shot glasses every day? If you can get a grasp on this last piece of advice and implement one or more of the above plans then you are well on your way to having tiny imbeciles in your likeness roaming the streets. Good luck.