Creative Ways to Dump: Break Up Ideas for Boyfriends and Girlfriends
Creative ways to dump: Idea #1
Say you’re bored – with a billboard.
If they’re good enough for God to communicate messages in black and white to all humanity, then billboards good enough for you, too. Just don’t make the content too racy or explicit, or else Clear Channel Communications won’t accept it.
Creative ways to dump: Idea #2
Dumps like a truck?
For the more childish dumpees, give them something tangible to play with – as a replacement for yourself. Wrap up a toy dump truck, Tonka or otherwise. Suggest that they use it to bull-doze the memories of your relationship and clear space for a new life.
Creative ways to dump: Idea #3
Bare-ing bad news?
Hire a stripper to deliver the break up message. This will lasciviously remind the dumpee of their new sexual freedom. You can simply take off while someone else takes it off for your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Creative ways to dump: Idea #4
The parting gift.
Feeling bad for the schmuck you’re about to dump? Set your boyfriend or girlfriend up on a surprise blind date. You can even arrange to meet at a favorite restaurant or bar under the auspices of a regular night out. Then, quickly convey the news to the dumpee, introduce the blind date, and hand your honey over while you make a break for the door. As a way of saying thanks for playing, it’s far better than a “lovely dinette set.”
Creative ways to dump: Idea #5
Anthropomorphization.
Compose a letter ostensibly written by the dumpee’s stuff that still crashes at your place. Most people who are dating leave some belongings at their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s house, so you can anthropomorphize these objects and have them do your break up bidding. Here’s an example:
“Hey, Michael. Psst…it’s your blue sweater. You know, the one you keep at Holly’s place. Listen, your spare toothbrush and I were talking in the bathroom the other day, and rumor has it that Holly wants to dump you very soon because she’s feeling stifled. Anyway, I don’t want to get hurled out the window, so please come and get me as soon as possible. I think Holly’s totally serious.”
Of course, the recipient will think you’re crazy – and maybe that’s what you want.
Creative ways to dump: Idea #6
Feeling smothered?
If you’re stuck with an overly clingy mate, you may need to demonstrate just how overwhelmed you feel. The Waffle House chain’s famous hash browns can serve (and be served) as a visual aid – just order them “smothered” with onions and then launch into your explanation. For the real drama queens out there, you can belabor the point with cheese and chili – “covered” and “topped.” Note: this creative dumping idea is not available in most northern states. See www.wafflehouse.com.
Creative ways to dump: Idea #7
Do it “buy” the book.
There are plenty of self-help books by pop psychologists ready to help you lose the load. Buy several of them and casually leave them out when your boyfriend or girlfriend is over. For extra effect, highlight appropriate sections, dog-eager pages, and leave the books open everywhere – nightstand, kitchen, couch, bathroom, etc. Unless your boyfriend or girlfriend is illiterate, this should arouse adequate suspicion of your intentions.
Creative ways to dump: Idea #8
You’re dumped – STOP.
If you were courted in the old fashioned way, with a series of polite dates and formal ask-outs, why not dump the person with an equally old school gesture – a hand-delivered telegram! American Telegram still offers this antiquated service. For an fee of $39.95 plus $0.89 per word, you can have a third party deliver the two-word “You’re dumped” message in a yellow envelope. This grand total would be $41.73.
Have your own amusing suggestions on how to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend creatively? Add a comment to this article.
