Crisis Junkies: Addicted to Chaos
Used to be I wasn’t comfortable unless things weren’t okay. Sounds crazy and it is. My best friend is still that way and I have some other friends who are too, only some don’t know it. You don’t have to necessarily get drunk every night, wreck cars, or shoot drugs up your veins although many alcoholics and addicts are also addicted to chaos.
You can do crazy things, sometimes crazier acts sober than you ever did drunk or stoned. For instance, there are some people who go looking for the excited misery, as termed by an old therapist of mine. They like pushing the envelope, going to the edge, seeing how far they can take things.
Not surprisingly, many of these people grew up like me in crazy households with problem parents or siblings. They don’t know how to function unless things are in turmoil and they almost have a panicked feeling when things are going “too good.”
It was a long time before I learned that it was okay for things to be okay. To normal, sane people this philosophy sounds crazy because they have never experienced what a nutty life is like. I used to bounce checks, even sober, in fact, more of them sober than I ever did drinking.
Why? Besides the fact that I was broke, I also got a thrill out of seeing what I could get away with and I felt a sense of entitlement because I’d had such a rough life. I would also get involved in wild, weird relationships convincing myself that this person was “the one.”
Joyce Gioia, 57, refers to herself as a “recovering chaos addict.” “When you’re really busy and outwardly successful, you get caught up in the whirlwind,” she said.
According to a recent article there have always been people predisposed to tumult but the problem today goes beyond a personality trait. Experts agree that chaos junkies are often highly intelligent, creative, and fun but their self-sabotaging ways mask deeper problems.
“People use chaos to distract themselves from any number of things from any number of things they don’t want to focus on: painful childhood memories, growing up with an alcoholic parent, or feelings of worthlessness,” said psychotherapist Tina Tessina, author of It Ends With You.
Not surprisingly, living this way is not good for body or soul, says writer Sally Stich. Changing this behavior is no easy task since slowing down often feels uncomfortable at first, states Stitch. For someone like Melissa, who thought she had lost it all, change may also involve counseling, Stitch writes.
Experts advise dedicating at least ten minutes a day to something relaxing like yoga, walking, or deep breathing. Next, stop working under unreasonable to-do demands like working weekends and overtime when not being compensated or needed.
Depending on what your bad habits are, you can change what you acknowledge what isn’t working. Melissa no longer lets work define her. According to one poll, 68 percent of Americans are addicted to some kind of chaos or busyness.
