Daddy Discrimination: Does it Exist?

Not long ago, many working women were frustrated by what was termed the “glass ceiling.” Women could see the top of that corporate ladder, but had trouble getting there. This was due, in part, to discrimination.

Times have changed. One in three wives earns more than their husbands, and there are more women serving as CEO’s than at any time in history.

It seems we may have come full circle as a society because now its time to visit reverse discrimination of the opposite gender. I am talking about fathers becoming “stay-at-home” Dads or the primary caretaker, for their children.

I am happily married with two kids. My mother and father raised ten kids in a classic working class family, with my father being the primary breadwinner, and my mother watching all the kids. I benefited greatly, because as the youngest child, I was there when she raised us all, and learned a lot. She even ran a daycare out of her home while watching five of her own kids. In my teenage years, I remember my mom still relished the opportunity to babysit friends’ or neighbors kids.

I relate well now to kids, and thoroughly enjoy playing with them, admiring their innocence, and watching them grow. When our own child began getting a chronic Infectious disease from a daycare center, I stopped the corporate pursuit. With the background I have, the decision was easy to accept.

However, I learned some things about being a stay-at-home Dad that aren’t so easy to accept.

The ages of my children are four and ten months old, so it is not easy to take them to church for Sunday worship. The church now has a nursery during mass, where parents can leave their kids, and go to mass. In return they have to promise to volunteer once in a while in the nursery to watch kids themselves.

For the protection of everyone, a criminal background check is completed on everyone who watches kids in the nursery. When I walked in to the nursery for the first time to meet the new nursery room coordinator, I was met not with a greeting, but with an interrogation.

“Did you turn in your information for the criminal background check?”

“Uh, I turned it in last week,” I said, meekly.

Of course, I have never been arrested for anything in my life. Getting a busy parent to volunteers isn’t always an easy thing to do, so this probably was not the best way to greet a new volunteer. I respect the fact that she is only doing her job.

I was dying to ask her a question, however. If a woman walked in to present herself as a volunteer, would you have asked the same thing?

I am also amused at the many work from home jobs that are offered to parents, but really cater to mothers. Some notable links to websites are: Mom’s Work at Home Site, Home-based Working Moms, and the Mom’s Work at Home Kit.

If our society should get used to the fact that women are in more leadership roles and are becoming CEOs, can we get used to men being at home, and treat them the same?

The apparent cautiousness toward men is also evident in “play dates”-several hours set aside to bring kids together to play. I enjoyed my first one because it had been with a woman who was from my hometown. She and I, we’ll call her Julia, had a mutual friend from that town. We reminisced, shared coffee and parenting challenges, and watched our kids play “dress up” in an adjoining room.

It was several months later that I noticed Julia’s daughter ran into the arms of another Woman after a day of preschool had ended. Julia was not around. Then the woman’s Daughter came out the door of school, and also ran to get an embrace.

I turned to her and said, “You must have a play date.” She said yeah, smiled, and walked the two girls to her car. I know that she was friends with Julia and everything would be fine. But as left with my child, I couldn’t help but wonder: why did Julia feel that she had to be present at our play date, but completely trusted another woman on this play date? The woman was also allowed to pick up Julia’s daughter right from school.

If I picked up another parent’s child, with or without my daughter, it would look suspicious, if not a downright kidnapping. Parents would look at me and ask “Where is he going with that child?”

It was not like she knew this woman a lot longer than me. We all met as parents when the school year started. Is there a pre-conceived notion that men can’t keep their eye on kids? What happened to innocent until proven guilty?

Is it stories of neglect that they hear on the news, or just a mother’s protective nature? I hope it’s the latter, and not the former.

I am sure I will continue to observe discrimination and my frustration level could continue to rise.

While some are vying for the glass ceiling, I’ve got my own barriers to break through. I am also trying to keep from going through the roof.