Dating After a Divorce or Separation
Don’t Rush Into Anything.
It’s not just women but many men as well sometimes will just jump right back in and begin dating after a divorce. The reason why in most cases is because after the separation or divorce, there is a natural feeling of loneliness. We long to feel loved again, held and kissed again. Just to know that someone WANTS us is a big thing in many cases. It’s at those times that we tend to jump into another relationship too fast when we should have waited to date.
What’s wrong with jumping right back into dating after a divorce? Think of it. You were married. At one time, you took vows in front of family and friends to love and honor this person for the rest of your life. That day, you had not a doubt in your mind that you were marrying the person that you would be with and love for the rest of your life. Somewhere along the way, something went wrong and it’s come down to a divorce. When you think of it that way, divorce is a very sad thing. I often say that getting over a divorce is like mourning the loss of a loved one. You never really “get over it”, you just “learn to live with it”. You need time to HEAL. Are you still IN LOVE with your ex wife or husband? If the answer is yes, you have no business getting into another relationship with someone. Would it bother you to see your ex with another or to know that he or she has moved on and happy? If the answer is yes, don’t get into another relationship. In most cases, it’s destined to fail. Take some time before you begin dating after a divorce.
Children
When the time comes and you begin to date after a divorce, don’t involve your children in your new relationship until it looks like the relationship is going somewhere and a progression of it is agreed upon by both you AND your significant other. Until that is established, it’s best that the children don’t meet this person and develop a relationship with the person until you and your significant other are CERTAIN that the relationship is going somewhere. If a relationship between the children and your significant other develops and the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s not only YOUR heart that will hurt but your child’s as well.
Sex
Many people tend to jump into bed way too fast after a divorce or separation. Having sex too soon has the potential to throw a wrench in the fly wheel of your heart and ultimately destroy the new relationship. Men will tend to do this mostly because they want the physical encounter but for a woman many times, it’s much deeper than that. They long to feel that kind of closeness. It’s been a while since they’ve felt the kissing and caressing and warmness of two bodies together and they miss it. It’s not just a physical thing with many woman but a LOVE thing as well. For many women, after the relationship goes to that stage, it is established in HER mind that the relationship is now in the “serious” stage. The guy may not be on the same page. Either way, if it’s the guy moving too fast or the woman, there is usually a powerful emotional attachment present after sex. Be sure that BOTH of you can handle that BEFORE you take the relationship to that level. If you don’t, there may be an awkwardness between the two of you after sex and if the relationship doesn’t work out, both or at least one of you is going to be left with just one more thing that will make it more difficult to heal from.
A divorce is never an easy thing to get through. As far as how long before you should begin dating after a divorce, that depends on you. It could be months, a year or maybe a few years. Everyone is different. A good test to see how you feel the first time you see your ex with someone else. I recall my experience when that happened to me. I showed up at her apartment to pick up our son. She answered the door in her robe with her hair messed up. She obviously just got out of bed. She was fetching my son’s things when a man came out of her bedroom with no shirt or shoes and wearing just a pair of sweat pants. They had obviously spent the night together. Well she was very nervious and uncomfortable as she introduced us which was natural and a bit entertaining as far as I was concerned. I stayed for just a minute or two chatting with the man. After I left, I recall waking across the parking lot to my car with my son and feeling a sense of well being. I had always wondered how I would feel when I eventually saw that and I was fine. I felt NOTHING. I wasn’t hurt, angry or jealous at all. I was just fine. It was then that I knew that I had HEALED. I could now begin dating after divorce and feel relaxed about it and totally emotionally free.
The last thing that many want to do is to wait to begin dating after a divorce. Friends may tell you to get “get back in the saddle” and move on to forget the pain and that may sound like a great idea. But what is it that you want? Are you looking for a fling or casual date? If that’s the case, I would say that it really isn’t that important to wait before you begin dating after divorce. However, if LOVE and a relationship that grows is what you’re after, it is best to wait to heal before you begin dating after divorce.
Dating after a divorce is very easy for some and difficult for others. Following some of the tips above will give you a decent chance on your next relationship being your last one. Good luck.
