Dating, Television & the Modern Hook-Up

The dating sceneâÂ?¦Does it still exist? Do people still go on dates? I only ask this question because I just graduated from college and the dating scene was rare. The only people who went on actually dates were people that were already going out. And in my observance of the real world, that seems to be the terms under which most dates are fashioned. If you disagree, that’s your opinion, but at Columbia University, the University of Texas, and most of the places I go in New York City, it’s a fact that boyfriends and girlfriends go on more “dates” than the casual couple.

But why is that? I guess television messed me up. When I was growing up I remember watching all of the high school, college and young adult television programs that always had some guy asking out some girl. Zach Morris on Saved by the Bell was always asking somebody out. The Fresh Prince had a different honey every episode. And on A Different World everybody was trying to get with everybody at some point in the show. So, I don’t get it? Why is there so much casual dating on TV, but not in the real life? Does this mean that TV isn’t real? That you can’t believe everything you see on the old “box & tube?” I hope not, or else my entire life foundation that I created as a kid by learning more from TV than I ever did from any homework assignment.

But let’s ignore the fact that characters on TV are dating in ways that us commoners can only imagine. Let’s go back to focusing on me! I think I first realized that casual dating was not the norm at some point during my senior year of high school. That was my first full year with my very own car, and so it was probably the first time that I ever contemplated doing a date the right way – the way it is portrayed on television. So, for my first real date during my junior year, in my new ride, I cleaned the heck out of my car. I mean it was spotless. I even used the fragrance pump that is attached to the vacuum cleaner at the car wash. I had my tic-tacs, cell phone, wallet and my emergency condom all in the glove compartment or in the pocket of the driver’s side door. I picked up my date (who I asked out by her locker, dressed to impress, and in between classes, just like Zach Morris asked out Leah Remini’s character on Saved by the Bell) and opened her door and played some smooth music all the way to movies. I bought her ticket, I offered her something from the concession stand, and fluently wrapped my arm around her mid-way through the opening credits. At the end of the date, I tried kissing her, but she said something about not kissing on the first date. When I got home, there was a message on my cell-phone saying to give her a call sometime, and I went to sleep. So, there you have it. I had the perfect television outing. So I though to myself, “This is what I’ve been missing out on, huh? I need to do this more often.” And so I did. I went out on more dates. And as I piled up more and more rendezvous, it was not until January of my senior year that I realized I was going out on way more dates than my friends, but they were going a lot further with playmates than I was. Dumbfounded by the fact that the Zach Morris approach was not the best way of getting females to take me and my efforts seriously, I stumbled on to college without a clue.

But you know what they say about being clueless; “It’s better to shut up and be perceived a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” So I didn’t ask any of my fellow college classmates about whether dating was the best way to gain the affection of a woman, or was the meet & greet, or the flirt & chirp better methods of hooking up with the opposite sex. So, I continued to date in college. And as I went out, I didn’t see any of my friends on dates with the girls we talked about in the locker room. It was just me, and a bunch of people who were out with their significant others. My fellow single friends were either casually running into their love/lust-interests or they were going out on mass group outings –

And they were still doing much better than me with the ladies!

But why? Here I was, taking girls to Planet Hollywood, the movies, Amy Ruth’s, Sylvia’s and the ESPN Zone (which is more fun for females than the average person thinks), and I must admit, I was doing sub-par with the ladies. But then one day, one of my close friends, asked me if I had taken a certain girl out the night before, and said, “Yeah,” and then he said, “Damn! You an ol’ datin’ ass Negro!” And then it struck me. This dude doesn’t take anybody anywhere, at least not by himself, and he sure as hell ain’t paying for it, but he’s doing a lot better than me. And then I quickly examined, in my mind, all of my friends, females included, and how they went about pursuing their love/lust-interests. And result was unwavering. People in college don’t leave campus to get what is across the hall. Makes perfect sense, but that’s not how they do it on TV!

Maybe it’s just because it was college though. After all, college students are a different bunch. We just do things the opposite way of how everything is supposed to be done. We do our work at night instead of during the day. We eat breakfast food after noon way more than we eat it at 9 a.m. And we blame bad grades, monotonous events, and a paucity of food on every body but ourselves. So there’s a good chance that people out in the real world are doing thing the right way, which is going on casual dates. Right?

WRONG! WRONG! They’re not. Just look around you when you go out to Times Square, the movies, or a party, and that’s all the information you will need to know. The people you see “together,” are more often than not really “lovey-dovey,” having unremitting conversations, and are seemingly more in touch with each other than the average casual couple is on their first or second date. And there’s a simple reason for that, it’s called a relationship. They’re together. I’m out with some girl I barely know, yeah, I’ve seen her in passing but I may or may not know her last name, and yet I’m trying to get to some physicalization going on, or at least trying to hold her hand like every other guy with a girl is, and I’m getting nothing! Now, I know you’re saying it could be me, but I’ve have good dates, even fantastic ones so I’ve been told, But the end result of most of those outings isn’t what I want, and I’m willing it doesn’t end the way my counterpart wants it to end either.

Subsequently, I’ve reached a conclusion. People don’t date, they reminisce. You see somebody on campus who you like and you probably don’t even approach her, you just make sure you’re in convenient position to talk to her next time, and you do just that. You talk, and you talk, and you talk. You become semi-friends, with the obvious cloud of incessant lust floating around your entire existence together, and eventually you either get together, or you “do it,” or whatever. But you don’t go on a date. Not in today’s society. The people who tend to go on casual dates are the people who either don’t draw enough semi-friends to their companionship, or they just simply are getting desperate. I don’t know which category my “ol’ dating ass” falls into, because quite frankly, I could be in both. But that doesn’t even mater, because what matters is the fact that the world has changed.

I know at some point in time, back in the day, courting and wooing was the most efficient way to get a woman or a man. People bought flowers, acted chivalrously, and offered up overarching compliments while stretching the boundaries of their wallets, (you know, all those things I did) just to show a person that they cared. And it worked. Back then women loved to be courted and treated in a gentlemanly matter, and men loved to have be with somebody who was responsive to that and who welcomed that type of person.

But nowadays, that’s not the case with dating. A man who acts too chivalrously is looked down upon as being too generous or too nice, and a woman who expects to be treated that way is thought to a snob by most guys. Even I take on SOME of the present day ideas about dating, but certainly I would prefer more of shift to the good old days. But the rules are the rules, and no one can change the unwritten regulations of society, and thus we must abide by them and continue to thrive in what we choose to do or not do. So even though I came to the realization that real dates between two unfamiliar acquaintances is much more rare than casual sex, I still continued to do what it is I do. As for those who are more into the modern type of courting, I’m sure they’ll be reveling in their success all the way through their walk of shame.