Dating Tips for Widows
Dating Tips for Widows #1: Deal with Feelings of Betrayal.
On one hand, you may feel like you’re betraying your former spouse by remembering him as the love of your life. On the other, you may feel like you’re betraying your new partner by still feeling love for your spouse. Dealing with these feelings of guilt and betrayal is crucial to forming a healthy new relationship.
Being an actively dating widow will most likely make you feel caught in the middle of two relationships. Grief counseling for widows is usually offered for free through your local hospice; make use of it whether you plan to date right away or not. Further counseling might help you get rid of your guilt feelings when you do start to date. If widow’s counseling or support groups aren’t your cup of tea, find a friend or relative who isn’t the person you are dating to share your feelings with. Sometimes the mere act of voicing guilt helps it go away.
The most important thing to remember is that your moral obligation in a relationship is to the person you’re dating. You are free to still love your spouse, but you must also take care not to neglect your new relationship.
Dating Tips for Widows #2: Introduce your New Partner to your Spouse.
As a widow, the person you date will express a natural curiosity about your deceased spouse. And as a widow, you will probably want to talk about your deceased spouse. If your relationship with your new partner looks like it might be going somewhere serious, you should introduce your new partner to your spouse. Spend an evening looking at photo albums, telling stories, or visiting your spouse’s grave.
Once you have introduced your spouse to your new partner, you’ll feel less torn between the two. It’s okay to mention your spouse from time to time after the initial discussion, and your partner may ask the occasional question about your marriage. By no means should you make your deceased spouse the focus of every conversation, though. Talking about your spouse is healthy, but making your new partner feel that she has to compete is not healthy.
Dating Tips for Widows #3: Proceed Slowly to Allow Your Feelings Time to Sort Themselves Out.
Becoming a widow is a double blow. Not only are you figuring out how to date again, but you also have a death to grieve. Most psychologists will advise against starting a new relationship while grieving, but as a widow you will probably feel some form of grief for the rest of your life.
Wait to start dating again until the worst of the grief has passed. When you do feel truly ready (and not just lonely), take your time getting involved in a dating situation. Forcing intimacy too quickly to fill a void that you feel will only hurt you and your partner in the long run. As a widow, you have the right to ask anyone you date to help you take things slowly so that your feelings have time to develop in a healthy way.
Dating Tips for Widows #4: Give Yourself Permission to Experience Happiness
This might be the most important thing any widow needs to learn. As happy as you and your spouse were together, and as terrible becoming a widow feels, your life will go on. More than anything, you need to give yourself permission to have joy in your life, alone and with other people. No matter what you believe about what happens to people when they die, your spouse wouldn’t have wanted you to be miserable for the rest of your time on earth. While you may never find a replacement for the love of your life, you will need love of some form in your life to live happily.
