Dating Your Dream Girl
Women want integrity. A man who is “real” rather than sparkly or smarmy. One who respects us. So the best way to ask out a woman is to be yourself, and just ask her.
The scenario: You’re at a party, and you have been chatting with a woman you’d like to get to know better. (Note: It helps to chat first, with no hidden agenda, no sense of steering her towards asking her out – just ask her about her, LISTEN to her, and offer a few things about you.) Okay, so your chatting, listening with genuine interest. She’s chatting too, and listening, and asking you questions. She’s making eye contact (a good sign). She’s laughing and relaxed (good signs). So you say, “Hey, there’s this Mexican restaurant I’ve been meaning to check out sort of near here. Would you want to try dinner there sometime, maybe next Saturday?”
Note: You asked her to play with you, to explore the world with you. That’s fun. There’s no pressure, just a hint that you are interested in what SHE might think of the restaurant, too, that you respect her judgment. Choose something you actually are excited about doing, like visiting the art museum or checking out a new band. Even something you don’t think she will like can offer an opportunity to get to know each other better, and can be a fun adventure she might be willing to try, like a Monster Truck Rally or something. You may discover she LOVES monster truck rallies, or that she is boring and unwilling to try something new. Both useful bits of information.
Now it’s possible she is busy next weekend, or hates Mexican (or monster truck rallies), and says so. If she suggests another day, or another place, you’re good to go. If she’s evasive, let it go. She’s not comfortable enough yet. Or she’s dealing with a big break up, or whatever. So then you reiterate that it’s no pressure (and try to let it really be no pressure): You say something like, “Oh, hey, that’s cool, I thought since you mentioned travling in Mexico you might be a good judge of the food.” This is an opening for her to tell you why she’s being evasive. And suggest a different something.
And if she’s not “that into you” as they say, then her loss, right? Try again later with another women who is ready to play with a guy who wants to explore, who respects her, and who wants to have a good time.
Finally, a word about nervousness: It’s okay. The best way to deal with it, in any situation, is to notice how it feels to be nervous. A tight stomach, tingly arms, shallow breath – notice it, and just let it be there. Trying to hide it just makes you “macho” and annoying, at least to my picky dater eyes.
