Dating a Divorced Man or Woman with Children
It’s A Package Deal
If it’s a divorced mother OR father, if the children live with your date or not, the relationship is still a package deal. Now you may think that you get along great with children so it will be no problem. The children aren’t the biggest problem in most cases. You see in most cases, unless you’re dating a widow or widower, there is an ex in the picture. That combined with children is tangible proof that your date has had sex with his man or woman and it’s likely that you’ll occasionally be in the ex’s presence. Can you handle that? What if the ex is better looking or in better shape than you? What if they make more money than you? This isn’t someone that you just happened to see on the street. This is the ex that stops by from time to time and/or calls to pick up the children or consult your date on something concerning them. The important thing to remember is that if you choose to make this man or woman part of your life, not only are his or her children going to be part of YOUR life as well, but their EX will be as well. It’s not meant to be comfortable so don’t expect it to be but it’s something that you MUST tolerate.
Tolerate The Ex
First thing is, no matter how you feel about the ex, do NOT badmouth them in front of their children. This will cause your date’s children to resent you and that will greatly lower the odds of your relationship working out and progressing. Leave things like discipline and life decisions involving your date’s children to your date and their ex. It’s OK to give your opinion on things to your date but giving it to your date and their ex is just asking for trouble. You don’t have to be buddy buddy with the ex but exchanging a few pleasantries every time you see one another is good for your relationship with you date and their children.
Strive To Have A Decent Relationship With Your Date’s Children
You want your date’s children to like you. It may be somewhat difficult. They may look at you as someone who is trying to REPLACE their mommy or daddy. They may have gotten used to having mom or dad all to themselves and they’re not so keen on the idea of SHAREING their time with mom or dad with YOU. Different people handle these things differently but it’s something that you need to talk to about with your date and both of you have to have one on one and together regular talks with the child assuring them that they already have a mom or dad and you are NOT there to replace their other parent. Talk to the children. Ask them how they feel. Don’t shower them with gifts. Material things are not good for promoting a decent relationship with kids. Play with them, take them out for fast food or for ice cream occasionally. These allow for alone time to TALK with the child. Take the time to get to know them and understand them. Just because they’re young doesn’t mean they’re stupid. They can see through it when you try to hard. They are much more intelligent than you may think.
Be Set On Staying Put
If this new relationship takes off and progresses, don’t expect your date to eventually move across the country with you. In fact, in many states, if a mother or father who has custody of their children take them and move out of state with them, they can be arrested for taking that child out of their state of residence. Moving to another state may be contingent on getting permission from the ex before they do that. You date may not have any interest whatsoever in moving far away as it may affect visitation on some end. Ultimately, it’s the child who suffers most when that happens.
It is indeed possible to have a great and fulfilling relationship when there are children and an ex present but don’t expect it to be anything like dating a single person with no kids. It’s all a matter of how you handle it. That will have a great deal to do with how well the relationship goes.
