Dating a Professional Wrestler
I had no idea when I met my fiance that he was a professional wrestler. At that time, he was a punk rock kid in a band. When I discovered – a couple of weeks after we’d met – that he was also a pro wrestler, I was skeptical…and not all that impressed. That impression would soon change.
I had been to pro wrestling shows before, of course, at Madison Square Garden and the like. The world of indy wrestling, however, is completely different. The way I have always described indy wrestling to anyone who asks is: “It’s like the AAA in baseball – but for wrestling.” This is where the superstars start out, cut their teeth, learn their craft, and hone their skills. This is also where others who aspire to be superstars will have their dreams shattered. It’s rough, it’s raw, and it’s not for the weak at heart, but if your wrestler succeeds, the rewards are wonderful.
The first thing you need to know when dating a professional wrestler is that it’s not fake. You read that correctly – NOT FAKE. Pre-determined, yes. Fake, no. Professional wrestlers get hurt, just like any other athlete, and if you’re dating a professional wrestler, and you’re going to go to your guy’s shows to watch him perform, you will need to learn how to distinguish the difference between when he’s selling for the crowd and when he’s truly injured. Otherwise, you’ll freak out every time he gets hit, or jumped on, or thrown over the top rope. Eventually, you get the hang of it. I’ve been with my professional wrestler for 11 years, and sometimes I’m still fooled into believing he’s really hurt when he’s not, or thinking he’s not when he very much is.
If your professional wrestler is good looking – good for you! – beware of the groupies. Yes, there are pro wrestling groupies. We call them ringrats, or “rats” for short. They are similar to rock n’ roll groupies, yet somehow worse. Rock n’ roll groupies for the most part have a modicum of self-respect. These girls usually do not. They have no shame and no respect for relationships and/or marriage, and they are VERY aggressive. If you’re the jealous type, this is going to be very hard for you to deal with should the professional wrestler you’re dating become popular and start traveling to several states and/or countries to perform, assuming you cannot travel with him (and let’s face it, do you really want to follow him all over the country and/or the world?). Rats can be broken out into categories: Non-Threatening, Threatening, and Psycho. Non-Threatening rats are just that, and you need not worry. These are the girls who will become his loyal fans and follow his career and put up posters of him in their bedrooms, but that’s as far as they’ll take it. Threatening rats are what they sound like – a threat. They’ll wait for him after a show under the guise of getting him to sign something. They’ll hang all over him if he’ll let them. If you’re there, they’ll either pretend they don’t see you or shoot cutting remarks toward you. Their every intention is to get him into their bed, by any means necessary. Unfortunately, short of beating the girl up, there’s not much you can do except trust that your guy won’t partake in what she’s offering. I, for example, have learned to adopt a threatening persona of my own, thereby scaring the rats away. It works.
The final category of rat is the Psycho. This is the stalker rat, the one who truly believes her own hype. She will ferret out personal information about the wrestler; she’ll look for emails and/or phone numbers for whomever he is dating/engaged to/married to, and she will contact you in an attempt to start a war and/or break up the relationship. This has happened to me several times, usually in the form of an email with content to the effect of “You may not know this, but we have something in common – your man.” It may not be original, but if you’re caught off guard, it’s very effective. Your initial impulse will be to email her back right away with something scathing, but don’t. Let her stew. Let her think she got to you. Speak to your guy about it, find out if there’s any truth to it (if you believe there could be), and then figure out what to do about it. Normally, these situations will work themselves out, and the Psycho rat will slink back under her rock, never to be heard from again.
Once you’ve learned to deal with the rats, the rest is cake. Should your wrestler become successful and his career begins to expand to the point where he’s traveling more often than not, be happy for him, be supportive, and let him know that you miss him when he’s gone, but do NOT become needy and clingy when he is home. He wants you to be there, but he doesn’t want you to be a nagging, annoying harpy. Send him off on his trip with a “bang” – if you know what I mean – and then welcome him home in a similar manner. Ask about his trip, the shows, his performance, the other wrestlers. Let him know what happened while he was gone. Be his best friend. If you have developed the kind of relationship in which you’re friends as well as lovers, he’ll feel comfortable telling you everything about his trips, and that’s what you want. For example, on my fiance’s last trip up to Maine, a hooker called his hotel room asking if he was in need of her “services” after the show. Apparently, he chatted with her for a few minutes, then hung up and called me to laugh about it. You need him to be comfortable enough with you to share things with you, so that you don’t worry that he’ll hide things he doesn’t want you to know.
Learn to make the most of your alone time when he’s on the road. Partake in specific activities which you enjoy, hang out with friends – make the time about you and what you want to do. Believe me, you’ll be in a much better frame of mind when he comes home. As a quick example, I might pop some popcorn and watch a movie that I wouldn’t be able to watch when he’s home, because he doesn’t want to see it, or has already seen it and has no desire to see it again.
Another very important tip: DO NOT call him at all hours of the day and night while he’s away. He’ll be wrestling, or networking, or sleeping, etc. Ask him to please call you when he gets there, so that you know he arrived safely, but don’t make him call you every hour on the hour. You’ll only make him resent you, and distance himself from you, which is what you DON’T want to happen when he’s on the road.
Many people have the misconception that WWE is all there is, and that an indy wrestler will never be a big deal. This is completely untrue. Some wrestlers may never be picked up by the WWE, or TNA, or what have you, but they can still be a big deal. When your wrestler starts to become a big deal, continually gaining in popularity, get used to him being recognized on the street, at the mall, at the beach, etc. Know that anyone who recognizes him and approaches him in public will be checking you out as well so that they can report back to their friends. Give yourself a self-confidence pep talk before going out in public with him. Dress in an outfit that makes you feel great about yourself, so that you’ll outwardly project that confidence, and when the fan approaches him in the mall he can go back to his friends and say “Wow, you should’ve seen the chick with So-And-So….”
You’ll eventually find that certain people only want to be friends with you to get to him, just like any other celebrity. These people are not worth your time, or the time it will take me to write about them here. They’ll start coming out of the woodwork as his name becomes more recognizable in the pro wrestling community. This is an unfortunate side effect, but a fairly benign one. Do what you have to do to keep your sanity; offer them an autographed photo of your guy, for example. It just might make them go away, at least temporarily.
You will find that approximately 75% of your conversations with other people will eventually turn into conversations about pro wrestling, your guy, or other wrestlers (i.e. “You’re dating a professinal wrestler?? Cool!”). Deal with it. Be gracious, sound knowledgeable, and subtly steer the conversation back in the direction in which you want it to go.
When dating a professional wrestler, be aware that your guy will not get rich overnight. It’s just like any other career in entertainment – it takes time. He’ll most likely be scraping by for quite a while before things pick up, if they pick up. Remember that not every pro wrestler will “make it,” just like not every garage band “makes it.” If your guy is one of the natural wrestling talents, as is mine, things will eventually come together for him and he’ll start making more money and gaining more recognition and respect.
Finally, don’t ever make him choose between you and wrestling. If wrestling is his passion, and you love him, let him do what makes him happy. That means no ultimatums, ever. Should you make him choose, and he chooses you, he will always resent you for it, but if he chooses wrestling, you’ll be devastated. It’s a no-win situation, and one to be avoided at all costs.
Dating a pro wrestler – or being engaged to or married to a pro wrestler – can be a fun, interesting, and exciting life. I will tell you that it’s never boring. However, it can also be time-consuming, stressful, and frustating. It’s a balancing act that you’ll need to learn to survive it, but once you achieve that balance, you become one of the lucky ones whose relationship flourishes.
Enjoy each other, love each other, and trust each other. You’ll be fine.
