Daughters: Mend Your Relationship with Your Father

Every daughter wants to have a good relationship with her father. It’s an innate desire that really can’t be denied, even though it is unfortunately not always actualized. If you and your father have always maintained the idyllic dichotomy of daddy and daddy’s little girl, you should consider yourself very lucky. If you’re like many other women, though, with a strained and troubled past and present with dear old dad, chances are that you have felt a hole in your heart well past adolescence and into adulthood. If you do not “mend fences,” so to speak, with your father, you will almost certainly regret it. Just because the lines of communication have often been clogged between you and your dad doesn’t mean that it’s too late to clear the air and rebuild your relationship from the foundation up.

The excuse that so many daughters make in regards to not mending their relationship with their father is that they feel they shouldn’t have to be the one to initiate the reconciliation and reconnection. Women feel that their dad should be the “bigger man,” and so they just wait begrudgingly for their fathers to come to them with open arms. Look ladies: that is probably not going to happen, so abandon this way of thinking straight away. The reality is that your father is a man, and men typically have more repressed emotions than women. Forgive your father for not having the most exceptional relationship and communication skills. You’re only punishing yourself by playing the waiting game. Just because he is the parent doesn’t mean you can’t make the first move toward strengthening your bond.

If your goal is to build the bond between you and your dad, the first step is figuring out for yourself what it is that you would need to feel comfortable and content with your father-daughter relationship. Basically, what’s the problem with your relationship now? Think of the obvious – this doesn’t have to be an incredibly daunting process. Maybe it bothers you that you only see your dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you never hear from him in between. You ideal would be that your dad would stay in touch with your throughout the year, not out of obligation, but out of interest and love. Maybe your dad is constantly putting down your romantic relationships or your lifestyle or line of work. Your ideal would be that you dad would accept and love you just as you are. Think about what you’re missing and what you want.

The strain between you and your father may be attributed to a particular event or incident that drove a wedge between the two of you for some reason. If your parent’s got divorced, you may be harboring resentment towards your dad because of the way that things played out during your parent’s divorce. Even if you love your mom and have a pretty healthy relationship with her, if you grew up hearing her badmouth your dad regularly, you may just be resenting your father because your mother did or does resent him, and that’s not fair. Tracing your way back to the root of your problems will help you to resolve the issues with your father

Once you’ve taken the time to think things through, it’s time for you to get the ball rolling with your dad. Don’t rely on a phone call or letter or e-mail for this mending. You have to talk to your dad in person, whatever that takes – whether you have to travel or not. Find the time to – sooner and not later – to talk to your dad. It may be scary, but it will be worth it if you come out of things with a new sense of love and acceptance from your father. Too many fathers and daughters never get around to reconnecting with each other, and that procrastination is something that they regret immensely, when it’s too late.