Dealing with the Wait While You Are Adopting

I’ve been warned by my adoption worker and other adoptive parents – now that I’m finally “on the list,” the waiting will be the hardest part. But, how can that be? Isn’t this the place I’ve wanted to get to? After pounds of paperwork and fretting over whether or not I would pass the background checks and home study interviews, after attending the classes and answering the question, “Why would you want to adopt now that you’re nearly free?!” (My three biological kids are all in high school) for the millionth time, how could this possibly be the hardest part?

Well, the jury is still out on whether it will, in fact, be the most difficult part of the adoption process, but it does have it’s challenges. I’ve been asking around and doing some research on how other adoptive parents deal with “The Wait” – from the time they become approved to the arrival of their longed-for child.The number one gem of advice is to Stay Busy – this is not a problem for anyone who is already a parent, the ordinary tasks of every day just seem to take up plenty of time and space. Still, while I’m working at my desk or doing laundry or trying to find the least un-popular thing to make for dinner, I’m still thinking about my “out there” babyâÂ?¦has he or she been conceived? Where will the baby come from? What will the birth parents be like? Will I be able to raise enough money by the time the referral call comes? I know I’m not original in my waiting concerns, but I am certainly alone with my own thoughts while I go about my busy day.

Another suggestion to deal with the waiting is for expectant parents to do things they won’t have time for once the baby arrives. This is great advice for first-time parents or those with a hearty leisure budget – but for a single mom with a house to run, I don’t see myself taking off for the two-week cruise or vacation (besides, every available cent is going to the adoption) – but I am able to modify the advice a little. I try to enjoy going to the movies and leaving the teens at home, going out to lunch with friends without a baby in tow, wearing dangle earrings. These are little things that I, as an experienced mom, know I will miss for the next few years after the baby finally gets here.

Some people spend time, money and energy preparing the layette and getting the baby’s room ready. This is often hard for adoptive parents who have spent a long time dealing with infertility or are more cautious in their personalities. It’s hard to become attached and ready when you don’t know when or how the baby will arrive. But for those who enjoy this type of preparedness, it can be a great way to pass the time and put focus on the baby’s arrivalâÂ?¦while you wait.

Some other suggestions: take up a new hobby or take a class, keep a journal where you can record your thoughts, worries and anticipation, get plenty of exercise and do things you enjoy doing and see people you enjoy being with. By focusing on the joys in your life, you will be more than prepared to welcome home your new arrival when the time finally comesâÂ?¦at least that’s what I’ve been told.