Did Dick Cheney Have Sex with His Wife One Night in October of 1965 Simply to Get Out of Vietnam?
How amazingly convenient that Dick Cheney himself finally found the intestinal fortitude to stick with a prolonged war when he was too old to actually fight for his principles himself. You see, Dickie-may I call him Dickie-no? Okay, Dickless, you see had a golden opportunity to test his stomach for prolonged warfare in defense of American principles when he was a young man. Dickless was of draft age at the height of the Vietnam war.
In July of 1965 as Lyndon Johnson-a Democrat, mind you, proving that unnecessary wars are not the exclusive domain of the Republicans-was ramping up the business for Exxon and DuPont over in Vietnam, he found he needed more troops than he had so therefore doubled the draft calls. On October 26, 1965 the Selective Service changed its mind about married men being drafted. It would now accepted married men without children, though married men with children would remain exempt. Since Dickless was classified as 1-A that meant he would he could be drafted regardless of his being a married man.
In mid-January of 1966 Dickless Cheney was reclassified. He was now longer 1-A, but 3-A. What’s the difference? 3-A meant that you were no longer eligible to be drafted because it would prove a hardship on your family. You see, Dickless and his wife Lynne were soon to give birth to a little lesbian daughter. And yes, I mean that literally, since all the evidence points to the fact that sexual preference is a total misnomer and we are born with a proclivity toward heterosexuality or homosexuality. And on July 28, 1966 the Cheneys were blessed with their little bundle of joy.
It’s a lovely and romantic story, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Hmm, do you notice something strange about those dates? Let’s do a little math, shall we? and October 26, 1965 to July 28, 1966. How many months separate those dates? Hey, that’s almost nine months exactly, isn’t it! Almost nine months exactly separates the announcement that married men with children will remain exempt from being drafted from the date that Dickless became a dad.
Wait a minute, hold the horses. Isn’t nine months the gestation period for a human being? Give or take a day or a week or so, I mean. So that means that sometime around October 26, 1965 Dick and Lynne Cheney knocked back a few glasses of wine-I suspect in Lynne’s case it might have been a few bottles-and then got in bed and did it doggie-style. (I wasn’t there, but I think it’s safe to assume that Lynne would want to make it as easy as possible to fantasize that she was having sex with Paul McCartney at the time She just doesn’t strike as a Lennon type.) I imagine it must have been quite a romantic evening:
Dick: Lynne, you look beautiful tonight.
Lynne: Thanks.
Dick: You know, if I knocked you up tonight I wouldn’t have to defend my principles on the battlefield.
Lynne: I love it when you talk dirty.
Dick: Oh, Lynne, can we do it�you know�
Lynne: Dick�you mean?
Dick: Yes. Would you be willing?
Lynne: Oh, of course, my love. Anything for you.
Dick: You wild woman.
Lynne: I’ve always fantasized about doing it with the lights on. Oh Dick, it will be so exciting.
Dick: Here’s to impregnation!
Dick Cheney suggests that those opposed to the war don’t possess the stomach for sticking by their principles during times of difficulty.
I suggest that the only reason Dick Cheney did to his wife that night what he’s been doing to this country for the last five years was to get out of defending his patriotic ideals on an actual battlefield!
