Diet Industry Feeding Off Your Poor Self-image
Picture that girl in junior high who seemed to really have it all together. She was beautiful and impeccably dressed in the latest fashions. Was she liked though? It depends on how humble she was. If she wasn’t sufficiently self-deprecating and constantly downplaying her assets, chances are, she was resented by her peers.
Guys are always the ones accused of being shallow and superficial when it comes to choosing who to pursue, but I really don’t think guys are the ones setting the standards as far as fashion for women goes. That’s up to and including body type.
I think it’s a myth that men prefer the scrawny skeletons with skin that you see strutting their butt-less stuff up and down the catwalk. You half expect these women to be carting an IV bag behind them. Let me let you in on a little secret that the fashion designers and the faceless corporate entities don’t want you to know. Men like women in various shapes and sizes! I’m not saying that supermodels aren’t attractive (insert ‘duh!’ here). My point is that giving you an unobtainable image to strive for insures the continuation of the gluttonous merchandising Cash Cow feeding off of your insecurities.
How are diet books selling these days? How do you think they’ll be selling 10 years from now?
Little girls are taught from the beginning that their presentation is everything, yet don’t cross that line and show pride in your appearance. Hello Schizo! “Paging Dr. Rexia. Dr. Anna Rexia, you’re needed to perpetuate poor self-esteem.”
How many straight male fashion designers do you know of? The majority of runway heroin heroines resemble adolescent boys on stilts (just an observation). I mean, I find it appropriate to mention that the people in charge of telling you what’s attractive to men are attracted to men – not women.
The point is moot anyway, because it seems to me the women attending social gatherings are more interested in impressing the other women than attracting a man. That’s one area where men and women part ways big-time. Guys couldn’t care less about how the other guys look or what they’re wearing.
I’m coming to the conclusion that women hate other women. The competition is fierce, and us guys have come to the delusional conclusion that you’re fighting over us. To clear this up I need to point out the fact that no straight man has ever said anything like, “That Gucci bag she was sporting made me want spike the ball in her endzone right then and there!”
Among the worst insults one woman can hurl at another is a roundabout way of saying they’re round-about… ah, full figured. Big-boneded? Fat. A guy would say fat. Women are much more subtle. Even an evil woman with ice water in her veins will meticulously kill you with mosquito bites, as opposed to being overt and obvious. I think that guys tell big sloppy lies, but rarely. Women tell little white lies constantly. Okay, I’m going Sigmund Freud here, but what I’m trying to say is this whole construction of the modern female archetype comes from consumerism and it’s against nature.
Saying real women have curves is nonsense, too, because that implies that thin women aren’t real women. Look, I’ll get with a stick like Paris Hilton or a voluptuous vixen like… like… Hey, I’m not even given an option. There’s no roundabouts roundabout! I want to squeeze the Charmin! Must be because if you tell The Diet Tribe that people will accept them the way they are, then the Atkins franchise will fold like origami, along with half of the corporations in the country all relying on females’ fragile self-image.
I’m about to release my first diet book. It’s called “Getting Fat From Selling Diet Books”. What an industry this is. Can you imagine the money that Americans annually spend in an effort to lose weight? And, ironically, America is the country with an out of control obesity problem. At least that’s what the mainstream media is constantly force feeding us. Weight a minute… Isn’t this the same media that is sponsored by companies selling endless dietary deities? I recently read “Shed a Chin” by Dr. Chin Chan and he said that – now listen closely – if we eat less sugar and fat, and incorporate some kind of physical activity in our day, we should be able to maintain a healthy body weight. Revolutionary! Why didn’t I think of that? It’s so clear now. I can see clearly now, the doughnuts gone.
But there has to be an easier way. Some people are getting their stomach’s stapled now. I know a lady who just has a paperclip – she’s not ready to commit. Surgery is great if you have the money, but if you’re spending $200 a week at McDonald’s…
How about those people who get the cottage cheese vacuumed from their rump? That has to suck. What do they do with it after it’s extracted? I know some people have it injected into their lips and spend the rest of their lives getting their ass kissed. But there has to be something that they do with the other fat. Maybe it’s recycled and goes back to all the fast food franchises’ deep fryers. People who eat people are the luckiest people in the world. See that? You’re a cannibal and you didn’t even know it. Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late for supper?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Surgery and cannibalism aren’t the answer, my friends! The answer is: “Yes.” Now we just need to find out what the question is.
To be or not to be – that is the question. But what are you to be? You don’t want to be a hamlet. This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy had liposuction, this little piggy drank Slim Fast, but drank it really slow, so it didn’t work. This other little piggy went on a water-diet and went wee wee wee all the way home. Don’t keep falling for these fat fads. “Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.” – Anonymous… no, no – unknown. Anonymous always gets undue credit.
Stay away from the fried foods and you won’t need a tummy-tuck. That’s why it should be called a Friar Tuck. Let’s call it what it is, people! And exercise those demons! You never see overweight demons, because they are always being exercised; we can learn from this. Your body is a temple, so stop treating it like an outhouse.
I’m off to get collagen injections in my earlobes.
