Different Types of Love
1.A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2.A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
a.Sexual passion.
b.Sexual intercourse.
c.A love affair.
4.An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5.A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
Does it exist? Yes, for the most part, but not in that all encompassing ethereal way we all fantasize and dream about. Having lived and loved a few years now, my understanding, my heart and soul, have evolved along the way, to encompass a number or levels of Love if you will.
You see, we all live and love in a different time nowadays. Once upon a time people “coupled” and raised large families for the purpose of survival. It was a “necessity.” It wasn’t always about “love” per say, but love “could be learned, grew,” and did, many times over.
Nowadays we start with the “ideal” of love first. We set standards and levels by which we measure and gage a “quality” of love. Here in the West we’ve been conditioned to believe that we are “deserving of never ending unconditional love and happiness,” yet we no longer have the cohesive stuff by which previous generations were held together. We rely solely on the highly abstract, individualized, personalized vision of what love truly is. This being said I would like to submit for your consideration the following observations.
Love: in and of itself can mean or be many things. “I love my dog, my MP3 player, my car, my friends,” and on and on. This is a somewhat surface level of warm, fuzzy, endearing feelings. An attachment, “strong liking thereof,” to people, pets, and or things that lend some level of comfort to our everyday lives. It can sometimes be healthy where it, these things and people, are positive influences, they lend to happiness and serenity in our lives. At other times these “feelings” can sometimes be “not so healthy,” in that we become dependant/codependent or obsessed beyond reason with them.
Family Love: we are “born into,” and while it at times may be stressful or difficult, for the most part this is an on-going love that creates security in our lives. Knowing that we are valued and appreciated by close family ties is very enriching, and in general good for the heart and soul. “Family Love” can also be unhealthy/destructive in that sometimes family members will attempt to guide/influence who we are, how we are, even at times try to dictate who we can be with. Being a “momma’s boy, or daddy’s girl” always wanting/seeking approval/acceptance, from a parent or guardian family member can stunt one’s ability to mature into a whole, self-sufficient adult, that’s willing and able to “break away enough” to have a life or loving relationship separate and apart from the original family unit.
Unconditional Love: where I once thought there was such a thing, through my years of experience I’ve come to learn and understand that it simply does not exist. There are “always conditions.” That’s not to say that “conditions” are bad or unhealthy, quite the contrary, one should always have healthy boundaries, know who you are as a solitary person, know and understand who and what you will be within a coupled relationship. Some have argued that parents have unconditional love for their children, but I will suggest this is not always true. When a child does something wrong, or not the way the parents would have them do it, the parents withhold some amount of approval/acceptance. There in lies the “control/condition” for “conditional love.” It’s not a bad thing by any means, rather simply a realization that there is always some sort of “conditions.” Over all love does prevail, but there are times that it is stronger or weaker, given certain situations.
Being “In Love” has been a matter of debate for years unnumbered. To me, “being In Love” means that you have a bond stronger than your original family unit, rather a want and need to create your own family unit separate and apart from your original family unit. That’s not to say that you forsake your original family or it’s values, but the want and need to “strike out on your own, with that someone special” is more important than “hanging on” to all the original family ways. You learn and adapt to “depending on each other first,” instead of going to your original family or friends first. There is an honest want/need to be an integral part of each other’s lives. There is consideration in all things you do as a couple /family. There is a likeness of mind, body, spirit that only you two share with each other alone. “In Love” is an adult love, a special bond that you share only with your partner/lover and no one else, not friends, kids, family, or extended family. There is very little in life that this kind of love cannot surmount, because you both want it equally for yourself as well for/from each other.
Mature Love: My personal understanding of it is an “all encompassing love” that includes whole-heartedly & soulfully wanting that person in your life, ever wanting and looking after their happiness (to the best of your ability) while not smothering or hampering their life processes and experiences. Open communication is paramount. You share your mind, feelings, wants, needs, and wishes on-going throughout your relationship. To many times have I started into a relationship with someone only to have them “wall me off,” stop talking, sharing their feelings and emotions. To quote Dr. Laura, “There is no intimacy without a little hurt. There just are moments that we don’t match,” but we can always remain open to each other’s feelings, wants, needs, and wishes. Ideally we will compliment each other with similar and differing interests we can learn and experience separately and together. If children (yours, mine, ours) are involved, then there is a genuine, mutual, willingness to jointly look after their well-being and up-bringing. Understandably single mothers may place their children first in a relationship, but I will submit for their consideration that if you are not happy in your “adult relationship” first, what example does that show/tell your children? There is always “give and take” in any relationship, honest compromise, carrying the load, sharing the load, but it is all done “together,” wantonly from both partners. While “chemistry” and sex is still very important (right now), there is a look towards a future with someone that wants to “grow old together,” someone, that years from now, will look into your eyes and you can still see that happy loving gleam of past passionate time well spent together. Someone that, in these latter years will still hold your hand, cuddle and give you honest loving kisses, someone that will still be openly/honestly talking, sharing and wishing with you for the future, whatever it may hold.
While we all say we want it (love of some sort), honestly, are we willing to put in the time, work, effort, and understanding to truly begin the process? I guess the truer questions are; which “Love” do you thirst for most? What are you willing to do, to give up, to be in that particular relationship? What drives you to do be the person you are in a given loving relationship?
