Doctor-Patient Relationship Vital
Liz has learned well that the doctor-patient relationship is fraught with complications. Some doctors seem cold and uncaring, waaaaaay too busy to get personally involved with patients, impatient and irritable. They are privy to information we – as non-members of an exclusive “club” – are denied. We pay them well for this information! How can we get our money’s worth?
It is critical that lines of communication be kept open between doctor and patient. Each must have their say. A doctor who has budgeted his or her time to allow 10 minutes with every patient isn’t going to spend much time talking to you, getting to know you, the implication being that they’re in it more for the money.
If you want to improve your relationship with your doctor and contribute to your own healing, here are some things to keep in mind:
1. You must want to get better, and believe that you can get better. Your mind and body are capable of assisting in this work, but they want to be sure you are totally 100% with them before they sign on. Your mind is the most powerful healing aid you have – use it.
2. Knowledge is your friend. Educate yourself about your illness; read books, research it on the Internet, join a support group. Learn all you can and you will be in a better position to discuss things with your doctor. Keep a log of your symptoms so that when the doctor asks “How long has this been going on?” you’ll know what to say.
3. Know what to expect from each doctor. If you have a serous illness, you may be seeing several doctors. Before you take a referral from your primary, ask them who will be directing your treatment: who you should call for emergencies, medication changes, explanations of what other doctors have told you. Keep asking until you find out. A physician’s assistant, nurse practitioner or other nurse may become your “primary doctor.”
4. If you don’t like your physician’s personality or bedside manner, or if you feel for any reason that you’re seeing the wrong person, find another doctor. It might help if you write down your specifications before choosing. You may ask friends about their doctors, but remember, their requirements may differ markedly from yours.
5. Expect dependability. That means your phone calls are returned by someone who is capable of answering your questions, without a lot of hassle or a long wait. Many doctors operate on the “we’ll call you with bad news, otherwise not” theory. If you don’t like this, say so.
6. Don’t expect your doctor to be your friend. If he or she becomes a friend, fine, but don’t expect it. Expect your doctor to treat you with respect and in a professional manner, meaning the doctor’s self-interest doesn’t figure in your care. You or a family member should feel comfortable calling your doctor to inquire about your treatment.
7. Visiting the doctor. Take with you a list of questions and topics you want to discuss (arranged as to your priorities), as well as a list of any medications you are now taking, the dosage for each, when you are to take them, etc. (including vitamins, food supplements and any over-the-counter medications). If your symptoms have changed or new ones added, list those as well, and if major changes have occurred in your life, the doctor will want to know about those. If you have problems remembering instructions, etc., take a friend or family member with you.
Ask the doctor how much time he or she can spend with you today. If your list is long, ask when you can see them to finish it. Ask the most important questions first. Do not tell the doctor you are feeling fine if you don’t. If you use drugs, tell them. If you run six miles a day, tell them.
If the doctor prescribes medications or tests, ask these questions;
oThe name of the medication or test
oWhy you need it – what the doctor expects it to do or reveal
oWhat are the side effects
oWill it react with your other medications
oAre there any alternatives?
oWhat will happen if you don’t take (or have) it?
oHow you are to take the medication
oWhat will you need to do to prepare for the test
Take notes if you tend to forget. Repeat the doctor’s words back to him in your own words, and correct any misunderstandings.
Some people don’t like to ask questions. They may feel they’re “taking up too much of the doctor’s time,” or that their concerns are insignificant, or that the doctor simply isn’t interested. Again, if you bring a friend or family member with you, this person can ask the questions while you listen carefully to the answers. This also works if you are unusually sensitive to negative signs, abruptness or evasions from your doctor.
8. Don’t diagnose yourself. Leave that to the doctor; that’s their job. If you’ve stumbled upon some exciting news you’d like to share with your doctor, don’t bring it with you to their office and expect them to read it on the spot. Mail or fax it several days in advance, with a note.
9. Respect your doctor. If you feel compelled to share with them what you’ve learned, phrase it in the form of a question – “I’ve heard that aspirin is a good blood thinner. Is that true?”
10. In today’s society, patients are encouraged to participate in their own care, and doctors are encouraged to tell them the truth. But if the diagnosis is a serious or life-threatening disease, the patient may not want to hear “the truth” right now, or even from the doctor. They may want a family member to prepare them and then deliver the news. They may ask the doctor about their symptoms but not want to hear such pronouncements as “You’ve got a few months to live.” Doctors have no way of knowing how much time you have left; they are merely guessing, and they are often being proven wrong.
If you decide you don’t want to know, you may meet resistance from the doctor, your friends or your family. It may take some doing to persuade them that this is actually your wish, and even that it is actually your decision!
You and your doctor truly are partners in maintaining your health. The next time you make an appointment, go prepared.
