Does Anybody Talk About Making Love Anymore?
One of the first signs I look for in a troubled marriage is when they refer to themselves ‘having sex with’, rather than ‘making love to’, one another. It is almost as though they are embarrassed to present themselves that out of step with the rest of the world. The world ‘has sex’. The world does not ‘make love’. “We’re married, but we don’t want to seem ‘uncool'”. The movie stars aren’t ‘making love’ they’re ‘having sex’. The rappers and the rock stars aren’t ‘making love’ they’re ‘having sex’. The kids aren’t ‘making love’ they’re ‘having sex’.
Having sex is easy. No emotional investment. No social commitment. You can be selfish. You can be demanding. You can be demeaning. You can be casual. You can be promiscuous. And a lot of other not so ‘cool’ things and still have a ‘good sex life’.
But, on the other hand, with ‘making love’ you can’t do, or be, any of those things. And it is especially sad to witness married couples so disconnected. Do you get my point? Even more so than the act itself (which cannot be isolated )âÂ?¦ is the mentality (which culminates in the act) .
You cannot start out down the road in St. Louis heading towards Cincinnati and hope to wind up in Albuquerque. (At least any time soon.) Rather insane to think so don’t you think? Can you train yourself all your life to be a great sprinter and then turn out to be a successful marathoner? Doubtful. Can you train yourself all your life to be a selfish philanderer and in the end prove an unselfish spouse?
From my personal point of view making love is a domain reserved for fidelitous and nurturing husbands and wives. Because it is only in an atmosphere of complete commitment, trust and sharing that love, and the foundation for ‘making love’, can flourish. And becoming a husband and wife is not even the first step. The first step begins very early in life. With the proper role models and a heartfelt desire to emulate those positive influences rather than being dragged into an indulgent lifestyle that will endanger, and in all likelihood destroy, all prospects of genuine and lasting future happiness.
Why can I make this prognostication with confidence? Because, over half the marriages in America end in divorce. It must also be assumed that a significant percentage of the surviving unions are dysfunctional and the majority of children in either environment are damaged and suffering. How happy are these people?
How can you turn the corner? Even if sufficient parental counsel was not available during your formative years, determined individuals can still prove successful spouses and lovers. There are excellent books on the subject, but the pathology is so endemic, I honestly recommend professional counseling for anyone even considering dating in America. (Extreme you say? I don’t know, I would rather think that STD’s, unwed pregnancies and abortions are extreme. But that’s just me.)
You must first realize that there is a problem and you have been sold a bill of goods. An artificial cultural obstacle course has been erected between you and your happiness. To simply ‘have sex’ with someone you must reduce them, and by extension yourself, to an object. A servile object that performs a function. Reducing your partner and yourself to objects (supposedly) frees you to focus merely on what physical stimuli makes your body respond pleasurably. The problem is that humans, (men nor women), are not psychologically constructed that way. Attempts to maintain that artificial construct soon crumble and pressure is then exerted to force the distorted relationship into harmony with our true psychological profile.
Am I totally off base?
Contemplating extreme cases, how many tens of thousands of men and women are now dead or in prison as a result of a sexual liaison that started out as ‘no strings attached’? How many millions more are there whose lives are in constant turmoil?
For the overwhelming majority of humankind, there is no such thing as no strings attached. In the majority of cases where there seems to be, it is usually an indication of even deeper seeded emotional problems, rather than the indication of an ‘enlightened’ and/or ‘liberated’ individual.
If you have conditioned your mind and body to respond in harmony with the ‘having sex’ model, you must realize that your needs will never be fulfilled. The ‘having sex’ model is not designed to fulfill your needs. It is designed to keep you dissatisfied, anxious and hungryâÂ?¦ for more sex and/or other vices. When the appearance of human beings is no longer enoughâÂ?¦ you will begin to think in terms of adding disguises and imaginary partners. (In extreme cases pornography.) When the touch of human beings is no longer enoughâÂ?¦ you will begin to think in terms of adding prosthetics. When the taste of human beings is no longer enoughâÂ?¦ you will begin to think in terms of adding foods and flavors. When you reach the end of that dead-end street and haven’t woken upâÂ?¦ you’ll find a new partner and begin the insane merry-go-round all over again. For people entrapped in this hallucinogenic vortex, even properly parenting, (not just the feeding clothing and sheltering of, although all too often that is neglected also, but the total nurturing of), their children is also a distant issue.
By contrast, ‘making love’ does fulfill your needs. It does not leave you hungry, but rather in contented anticipation and there is a world of difference. And you cannot ‘make love’ to your husband or wife and neglect your children because after allâÂ?¦ ‘making love’ is loving the whole person and allowing them to feel whole as they in turn love you and allow you to feel the same.
Next Article: What Is Making Love?
