Does Colon Blow Work?
Unless they’re coprophiliacs, most people do not enjoy discussing their poop seriously. Even when approached as a discussion about colon health, the topic of poop generates giggles or scoffs because toilet humor is such a staple of comedy and fratboy-style wit So when I stumbled across an online ad for a product called “Colon Blow,” I assumed it was a gag gift based on the Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Phil Hartman. Back when Total cereal was promoting its fiber content, the comic did a fake commercial for a new fiber-fabulous cereal called Colon Blow. Little did I know Hartman’s humor would give rise to a real product.
It turns out that, in the wake of this classic sketch, some enterprising folks created a colon cleansing formula called Colon Blow, a detoxifying mix that makes Metamucil seem as gentle as a light summer breeze. The second you see the Colon Blow website (www.colonblow.com), you realize the product is for real, even though the creators don’t take a typical medical tone with their marketing. Using a combination of gross-out descriptions and “take it like a trooper” prods, the makers of Colon Blow set out to convince buyers that their product is worth a shot. Or a sh*t, as it were.
I showed the Colon Blow website to a friend of mine, and he dared me to try it under his financial sponsorship. “Oh, come on,” he said. “All you do is write all day. You can use the bathroom anytime you want.”
“Well, crap!” I thought, literally. “Why not?”
So, with that, he ordered me a Colon Blow Kit for the low, low price of $14. Although we could’ve gotten a free T-shirt with a bulk order, we decided a single kit would suffice for the dare. Combining capsules and a powder that gets stirred into a beverage, Colon Blow contains some serious ingredients: psyllium seed husks and stevia comprise the powder while cascara sagrada bark/extract, senna leaf/extract, prune, and fig all appear in the capsules.
The goal of Colon Blow is to help remove nasty matter that is, bluntly put, stuck inside your colon. This residue stays lodged inside our bodies even as our regular poop moves on through our system. Here is a snippet from the Colon Blow website about this type of bodily waste:
“It is relatively safe to say that even folks whose movements are as consistent as sun in San Diego, they probably carry around what can be termed long term waste. This is matter pressed in areas of the colon and dense mucus that lines the colon to protect it but builds up over time. This is what Colonblow can help promote the release of. Not simply QUANTITY releases, but QUALITY releases. Not simply waste, but perhaps very long term waste.”
According to the makers, the suggested Colon Blow plan entails taking three successive mealtime doses over the course of 24 hours. You can opt to fast from solid food entirely, eat only light meals, or dine as usual – and they call those options “aggressive,” “balanced,” and “chicken,” respectively. Per the terms of the dare, I was obligated to pursue the aggressive Colon Blow path. That meant eating lunch one day and then having the sludge-y drink and capsules for the subsequent dinner, breakfast, and lunch. I could then return to a normal diet for about 24-28 hours after I began the cycle.
Does Colon Blow work? The answer is yes. It’s definitely creepy, but it works.
Without describing every scattological detail, I can indeed confirm that about twelve hours after the end of the last Colon Blow serving, I made an unusual visit to the bathroom. It was unlike any other poop I can remember, and it was truly gross. Although I’m sure the process is different for everyone, the presence of this long-term waste inside the colon is no joke. Considering that nutrients are absorbed into our bloodstream through the colon, I felt relieved to get this gook out of my body. I felt cleaner inside, though that may have been equally a mental conclusion as a physical one.
At any rate, it seems like the Colon Blow product does just what it claims to do: it helps remove some long-term waste from your colon while making the entire experience oddly amusing. Part of the reason they sell shirts and use a humorous tone on their site is that it makes the cleansing process kind of�well�fun? I can see how a group of friends might even embark on a Colon Blow together, strange as that sounds.
[If you have any experience with Colon Blow, please add a comment to this article.]
