Dog the Bounty Hunter is Arrested in Honolulu! Millions of Rapists Roam Free

What’s the deal with this Dog the Bounty Hunter fellow? Did you know that the show ‘Dog the Bounty Hunter’ was/is A&E’s top rated show? This whole situation brings up several interesting points. For instance, who knew anyone watched A&E (other than the occasional ‘Biography’ episode on people like Andre the Giant)? Also, I’m confused about something: is bounty hunting legal or illegal? It seems like it should be illegal right? Like, I can’t go around just arresting people, can I? Is this what Dog was doing? That’s horrible.

[10 minutes later]

I just did a few hours of research and I’ve found out a few important things relative to this story. First off, Dog the Bounty Hunter should not have his own show on A&E. He clearly needs to be a featured character on the WWE circuit; somebody get Vince McMahon on this. Mullet? Check. Bulging “totally not steroid aided” Muscles? Check. Wardrobe consisting exclusively of tank tops and tight pants? Check. Outlandish tough guy personality? Check. You’re telling me that Dog is making more money catching suspected rapists and bad guys on A&E than he could be getting as the WWE Champion of the World? Please. He’s already got a kick ass look AND a cool wrestler name. The transition would be so smooth; he wouldn’t have to change a thing. “Dog the Bounty Hunter’s on the top rope,” just has a ring to it. I’m not kidding about this.

Vince McMahon needs to be called. I don’t have his number, so I’m hoping that somebody who knows him will read this. I doubt that McMahon watches A&E because, well, it’s A&E, so there’s a good chance he doesn’t know about Dog the Bounty HunterâÂ?¦ yet. (NOTE: It’s also quite plausible that McMahon HAS heard of Dog and already offered him a contract. If Dog’s sitting in a Mexican Jail cell thinking, “wow, I really should have taken that WWE gig,” I would not be surprised at all.)

Alright, enough about that, let’s get back to business. When I started writing this piece I really had a sour feeling towards Bounty Hunters. I kept thinking of Bobafett from Star Wars. Needless to say, a mute, science fiction character has proportionately skewed my opinion towards bounty hunters.

But I’ve changed my tunes. By most expert accounts, the number of rapes that have occurred since Dog has been locked up is somewhere between 11 and 8,712. This is not a good thing. Rape is one of the worst things that you can do to a woman. It’s right up there with forgetting to notice a new haircut.

So, I’m torn. I think that Dog could be an indispensable asset to the WWE, but I also hate rape. What do you think, America?