Don’t Jump the Gun When Dating
Pure intentions are often times misunderstood. I am always fascinated about a billboard that reads: “Big things come in small packages”. I always wonder, if the sign was really talking about a car or men that come in small frames but with bigger dick. My dirty thought.
A babe jumped the gun and got really embarrassed. She sees herself as the Agbani Darego of her street. The girl was real pretty and had all the curves in the right places. If she walks, you would think she is doing the ground a favour. She was at the bus-stop one day when a guy repeatedly said: “Sister! Sister! Sister!” She ignored him. But when the guy went again, “sister,” she didn’t allow him to finish and yelled at the top of her voice: “I said leave me, I am not interested in dating you!” Trust on-lookers! All eyes centered on the guy, while miss pretty, preened like a peacock. And the guy went in a loud voice: “Girl, I Just want to tell you that your zip is opened and your red pant is showing.” She promptly went back home, kissing good bye to her outing.
Today is not for preaching and all the sanctimonious nonsense I always dish out. Today we swap stories. Now what makes guys and babes fall into the foolishness of thinking someone wants to toast them while the person has no such intentions?
Naturally, most babes fancy themselves a bird, when their are actually a butterfly, yes, most ugly babes are the ones that make “shakara” more than the pretty ones. But that aside, every babe has her own special and unique endowment that attracts a guy, be her ugly or not. And because a babe feels she’s pretty, she naturally expects catcalls to follow her. A stupid notion, if you ask me. At Queens, if you turn at a catcall, the boys would embarrass you by saying “you think you’re beautiful?” I try as much as possible to ignore catcalls. Once a guy says _”hi” it doesn’t automatically mean, he wants to toast you. Believe it. Most guys would just like to be friends. And I mean platonic friends, without any strings attached. Why, I had approached several guys at school to tell them, they were cool. There is nothing wrong in appreciating a person. But my fellow sisters, would raise their pretty noses, sure that the guy could not be able to resist wooing them. Don’t you get embarrassed, when the guy goes “I just want us to be friends. In fact, I have someone I love.” And before you know it, he has started boring you with talks of his darling babe.
The best way to handle this sort of situation is to play it whichever way the guy chooses. If he comes to you and starts a conversation, no harm in that. You can even give him your mobile number. It also won’t give you a headache. One can really gain from knowing some people. God cannot come from heaven to help you, but only though people. I have lost count of the number of people I have given my number. If you call hundred times, I still take your calls and try to be nice, no matter how tiresome, the person might be. My friend , said he does not advise ladies to give out their mobile line to a guy because it only portrays one thing, that the guy wants to woo the babe. I don’t agree with him. Such thinking is myopic! Does that mean a babe cannot have a meaningful and a mutual relationship with a guy devoid of sex? I had such with a guy before I left for school. Fumi and I were closed. There was nothing we didn’t talk about. It was so serious that I got to know his babe, and his family. He too knew my guy. Before he took a decision, we discussed it. He assisted me in every way possible more than my guy. So what the heck are we talking about here?
A guy might single you out to be friends, probably because his babe was miles away. He needs someone to talk with. Loneliness could be a beast! Such kind of guys would always make sure every discussion, no matter what you say, always centres on his babe. Try to have a friendly argument with him and he ‘d laugh and say “you know, that’s exactly what Bimpe would have said.” The conversation starts and ends with Bimpe. Believe me sister, this guy has no motive for you. Why, I prefer mixing with guys myself then ladies. I have legion of male friends, while babes I can count on my fingertips. It got to a point, when I sat with guys and we analysed babes. You wouldn’t believe I was a lady. During my College days, I told the male friends in our lodge to treat me as their equal and not as a lady. It was a tough fight. They wanted me to be doing the cooking and dishes, but I put my foot down. They got sick and tired of me. They started calling me “Ol’ boy,” when I wouldn’t bow .So most time, I did feel like a guy anyway! Perhaps that is why I find it difficult to take a guy serious. I see them as one of the boys, if you know what I mean.
Give him a chance to be your friend. If he later starts toasting you as you’d been suspecting all along, then say whatever you like to him. Though I must confessed that relationships start on a platonic and friendship basis, often turns out the best. I am not unaware that if you give a guy chance to be your friend, it could blossom into something strong and powerful, but that is for you both to decide. All I am saying, is that a guying greeting you doesn’t mean, he has the hots for you. Don’t jump into a wrong conclusion.
Even guys do jump the gun too. I was in a bumpy ride one day with this particular young geezer. He kept saying “sorry” at each pothole, we entered . I was touched; when we got down, he was in a chatting mood. Later, he was in a “give me your mobile number” mood. Again, it was “can I visit you at home” mood. I obliged him all. I became pissed off when this guy or should I say boy began to make my life a living hell by harassing me with endless calls. He said he was a student, for crying out loud, who buys his calling cards for him? And who gives a shit if he attends Cambridge university. The way he repeats it every time he shows his face, you’d think, humble person like me had never seen a lecturer in my life. I felt like boxing someone’s ears when he called me one day at about 10p.m when I was on my way home from office and demanded ” where are you? You mean to tell me, you are coming from office at this hour?”
To cut the story short, I restrained my anger and told him to reduce his calls. Even my kid sister told me she was sick of seeing his face at our door step every day. He didn’t woo me or anything. I wish he would do just that so that I’d have the pleasure of giving him, his walking orders. Guess the phone number I gave him and my home that he walked me that fateful night, made him believe I was dying to drag young virile boys into my bed, give me a break!
I lost count at school, the number of guys trooping our room to see Faith, my room-mate. She had this knack of making male friends, without any string. Just mere friends, we all got used to hearing “this is my husband” in a voice filled with jest. But most of the guys ended up misunderstanding her, and would start the toasting war songs.
We all know that 7 out of 10 babes make these mistakes. Just allow the guy to land before going for his jugular. I can understand the ladies, being babes. They feel they are good looking, so must have that attention and end up embarrassing themselves. But I hate it most in guys. I was walking past when my eyes accidentally made contact with this dude. He gave me a quick, flirting smile. I groaned as I saw he was one of those who think they were God gift to women, because they have the looks. I had almost forgotten the guy, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Mr. Handsome. Said he saw me admiring him. Jeez! I winced. Despite my denial, he refused to believe me when I told him I thought he looked familiar for a split second. Mr. handsome followed me like a blind man. He was so sure I wanted him to make a pass at me. It was that day I knew the word boring began with “B”. It was late that day. He had curly hair. His eye brow had seen pencil. His complexion had seen a lot of toning cans. Holy Moses, I detest such men!
Some days back, I had just left the send-forth ceremony of some officers at a certain Officers Mess. I felt there was nothing wrong in accepting the lift this stranger offered. And he appeared so earnest.. He said his name was Jude. He first asked me if I wouldn’t mind getting home by 12 midnight. Said he’d like me to go home with him, after I told him I was a journalist. With a righteous indignation, I Spat! “Is that how you behave. You meet a girl for the first time and want to take her home?” I could visualize horrible sexual advances. But Mr. Jude took the wind off my sail, as he railed “what do you mean, what do you think I want from you. I just want to show you my art gallery because you are a journalist. I am an artist! I have a wife, and children. I stopped such rubbish long agoâÂ?¦” His anger exceeded mine. I became confused. Tell me folks, who was fooling who here? Till date, I can bet my right arm he was looking for a one-night thrill! It was in the way he issued the invitation and the look in his eyes. Was it possible I jumped the gun?
