Doomed Relationships: The Loser List of Men Women Must Never Date
Now, I’m not trying to destroy your childhood fantasies or discredit Disney movies. And before you think of me as a nutzoid or misogamist, allow me to explain myself. Personally, I believe there are a lot of potential partners for us out there yet I truly think there is only one who’s really meant for each one of us. Yes, call me a hopeless romantic but I do believe in soul mates. But most often than not, only a small number of us will be blessed enough to meet our soul mate. Perhaps due to the decisions we make or fate’s role in our life, true soul mates are hard to come by. So I’m not going to lie to you and claim this is a guide to finding your perfect partner. Instead, I want you to realize that in love you should never settle for someone and that you should never stop searching for that special someone. I know it can be hard, but simply put it’s a matter of trial and error, of separating the losers from the keepers. And above all, always having a sensible head on your shoulders. Why? Because you’ll need that sensible head of yours to know if the guy you are with is worth it or if it’s time to say adios.
MY STORY
As hard as it is to admit, I once fell in love with a total loser. It wasn’t love at first sight or that head over heels kind of feeling. It’s more like a painting in process whereas you don’t have the faintest idea if it will come out as an abstract, a masterpiece or just one complete mess. Unfortunately, the latter happened and it took me two years to realize that the man I was with has no ambition, no self-respect, a parasite and a compulsive liar. Luckily the helmet he put on my head was dislodged and I finally heeded the concerned advice of people around me.
It was so hard to walk away from this relationship, not because I still loved him, but because he didn’t want me to. Think “Fatal Attraction” the other way around. He went as low as stalking me and I almost filed for a restraining order. But being the stubborn person that I am, my patience for him has run out. And once I make up my mind, nothing can possibly change it.
I consider this decision of mine one of the wisest I’ve ever made. I’m proud of myself for finally putting my foot down. I’m fortunate that I ended the relationship before things got way out of hand, before I got hurt deeper, before I became a statistic.
Sadly, there are a lot of women out there who are stuck in lousy, unhealthy and even abusive relationships. Most of the women who are faced with this predicament aren’t even aware or are in complete denial that they’re in a bad relationship. So here’s my take on a common topic; no I’m not going to tell you what to look for in a guy. This is better…I’m going to tell you what types of men you should avoid.
THE LOSER LIST
TYPE OF LOSER: The Unambitious Aleck
PROFILE: Has no goal and direction in life. He’s content sitting at home watching TV while you work your guts out.
COMMON EXCUSE: “But honey, the job i applied for isn’t available yet.”
TRANSLATION: “What? Get a job and miss shows on ESPN? No way!”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Secretive Sissy
PROFILE: Doesn’t want to divulge any information about himself, his family, his job and past relationships. If he does talk he appears reluctant, uncomfortable or even nervous.
COMMON EXCUSE: “My past is insignificant, what matters most is us, right now.”
TRANSLATION: “My parents hate me, I don’t have friends. Women always dump me and oh, did I mention I set fire to our house when I was 12?”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Lying Leech
PROFILE: Can look you straight in the eye and lie. He lies not to protect you from getting hurt but to protect him from getting busted.
COMMON EXCUSE: “Honey I’m so sorry I didn’t make it to our anniversary dinner. There was an emergency in the office.”
TRANSLATION: “I was having wild sex with Rachel…..and then the condom broke.”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Immature Imbecile
PROFILE: Acts more like an 8 year old boy than a grown man. He makes you feel more like his mother than his mate.
COMMON EXCUSE: “Me know you tired and sleepy but me want me midnight snack.”
TRANSLATION “I know you’re tired and sleepy but I want my midnight snack.” Okay, just kidding, here’s the real translation- “I’m a baby, take care of me.”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Irresponsible Raccoon
PROFILE: Leaves all the planning and major decisions to you. This type of guy is often late and tends to forget special occasions.
COMMON EXCUSE: “Honestly I was going to buy you a gift but my boss kept us in the conference room all day.”
TRANSLATION: “I totally forgot it’s your birthday.”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Self-Pitying Pig
PROFILE: He has low self-esteem or none at all. He blames everything and everyone else for his misfortune.
COMMON EXCUSE: If Mom didn’t cheat on Dad I’d be a better man.”
TRANSLATION: “Help! I need a shrink!”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Narcisst
PROFILE: Thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He loves himself way too much. In his opinion, he can’t do anything wrong and he’s near perfection.
COMMON EXCUSE: “Well don’t feel bad if I stood you up, there’s always tomorrow.”
TRANSLATION: ” You should be honored I at least called you.”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Paranoid
PROFILE: Is afraid of anything and everything. He truly believes something bad’s going to happen to him–everyday.
COMMON EXCUSE: “I’d like to meet your parents but what if they don’t like me? Or worse, what if my toupee suddenly came off?”
TRANSLATION: “Help! I need a shrink too!”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Addict
PROFILE: This guy is addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex or any other substance/activity that can be dangerous to himself or others.
COMMON EXCUSE: “There’s no point in going to AA meetings, I can stop whenever I want to.”
TRANSLATION: “I’m happy the way that I am, so buzz off!”
TYPE OF LOSER: The Abuser
PROFILE: This is the king of all losers. He will try to manipulate and control you by using verbal attacks and worse, physical abuse. This type of guy seriously needs help.
COMMON EXCUSE: “I’m sorry I hit you, I don’t know what came over me.”
TRANSLATION: “I own you.”
There you have it, my top ten loser list. I’m not claiming to be an expert and although I tried to present this in a humorous way, these types of guys are those you should be wary of. Yes it’s nice when your man sometimes acts like a little boy and its okay if he sometimes forgets to call you, nobody’s perfect. But when a man is habitually doing things that disturb you, like constantly lying or trying to control you, then there may be a potential problem. If you feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship, look deep inside yourself and try to find the courage to leave. Listen to the people around you because they see things more objectively than you do and they might give you good advice.
Above all, love yourself; never settle for someone, especially if that someone always ends up making you cry. There may be no Prince Charming and you may not meet your true soul mate, but there are a lot of decent guys out there who are more worthy of your love.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER? WELL, NOT REALLY
A year after I finally got rid of my ex-boyfriend turned relentless stalker, I met someone who gave me the kind of love and attention I was searching for. Two years later, we were married. Now we are about to celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary and we have a beautiful little girl as a testament of our love. He is certainly not a Prince nor is he Mr. Perfect, but I believe he is Mr. Just Right For Me.
Oh yes, he snores so loud sometimes I have to put a pillow over my ears so I can sleep. And he has this nasty habit of leaving his clothes all over the place, and oh, I can think of a lot more. But you know what? I’m happy, really happy and I wish you this same kind of happiness. So you know who the losers are, now it’s time to meet the keepers. Go get em!
