Dream Walking

It’s not midnight now that gets to me, but rather somewhere around a quarter to three. Too late to be early, too early to be late, too dark to be morning. Should I sleep?

I hesitate. It’s not the dreams, really, that get to me, but rather the empty bed that won’t let me sleep. Where once you lay, where once I was safe, I toss and turn, rehash, debate.

It’s this moment, hours before the dawn, when I relive the past and know I was wrong.

So I wander aimlessly through the night, too tired to sleep, too drained to write, sitting here at my desk, in my leather chair, closing me eyes I feel your presence everywhere.

You come to me now, with my eyes still closed, and I breathe you in, a scent I know. I cannot see you, but I swear I feel your touch, the one I once ran from but now miss so much.

I hear your voice, calling out, filling my soul with eternal doubt. Should I wait? Should I fight? Should I simply let go? These are the questions; the answers, only you know.

Do you feel me browsing inside your head, while I’m sure you are lying there in her bed? Can you sense me searching for where your heart strays when the light of the day falls away, when there is nothing left to cover what you know, exposed to my heart, the love I still know.

Yes, these are the moments I know I was wrong, the moments I feel weak when I should have been strong. It’s the moments like these, alone with my thoughts, when I know it was my heart, my love, that you sought.

But I hid, so scared, ran away from it all, and in a moment of weakness, I let it all fall, shattering around me, couldn’t repairâÂ?¦the damage I’d done, the lie that hung in the air. But I want you to know, there is one thing that is true, the lie that was told was to protect you.

Yes, I wanted to protect that which I loved, save you from the flames, unconsumed by my love, where you could seek out that which was better for you than I could be, where your dreams could come true, so that you could believe.

For you are the one, God sent you to me, but I was the one who set you free, because even though in my heart, you hold all my dreams, you are bound, destined, to achieve greater things. To hold you back now would be my sin, though I fight to control it, to keep it all in.

One day you will rise from the ashes I burned, and when you do, on that day, I know you’ll return, to bring back together the heart shattered, love lost. I’ll have paid my debt for all that this cost.

Until that day, when your heart finds the truth, I wander at night, sharing these moments with you. Sometimes in the darkness, you will still feel my touch, and know that I love you, so very much.

Now my eyes open, the connection secured, I stand from my chair feeling very unsure, taking my pillow, I move to the chair, and in the morning you’ll come and find me still waiting there.

Sleep, it comes, when I least expect it, and in the dreams of the morning our love’s resurrected. Eventually though, we will both have to wake, destiny fulfilled, no trusting in fate.

My muse, my passion, my love, my light, I connect to you now in the dark before light. Open your mind, let my dream come closer, in the morning where friends, but tonight we are lovers.