Drunken Super Bowl Party

Some people celebrate the awesomeness of the Super Bowl with some nacho’s and other hearty snacks. Others stick strictly to pizza and wings. The third party drinks beer, and lots of it, probably adding a little bit of column A and B to the mix as well. Alcohol is a vital part of the Super Bowl experience, because without it the possible heart wrenching loss would be too much to bare. And if your team wins? Well the best fan is the drunk fan who has no restraints on his happiness. Don’t tell me you don’t shed a tear when you see the shirtless face-painted guys fat jiggle on into infinity as he convulses while doing his victory dance. He’s so happy, and why not? He’s at the climax of life. His team has won the Super Bowl, and he’s so wasted that he doesn’t care that everyones watching him.

Now, the question is how can I the average man or woman if that’s your bag, share in that euphoria from home or at my Super Bowl party? Well if you can’t be at the stadium drunk, the next best thing is being on a couch or nice recliner drunk. Need some party ideas? Well you’ve come to the right guy, let me guide you on a journey, and you can find the right way to make your party a success.

First think about the food, because next to beer, food is the most important aspect of the Super Bowl festivities. Pizza isn’t a bad idea, maximize the amount per person because the Super Bowl is about doing everything to the MAX! This is why you need to be very familiar with all of the pizza places in your area. Find the equilibrium of quantity and quantity so that you can enjoy as much pizza as possible, and not be eating poop on some bread. If you don’t want to be stuck on a one road track, then you might want to ponder the wing/pizza combination. The right chicken wing can bring any person to an orgasm, and I’m not kidding. If you do get chicken wings then obviously reduce the pizza being bought, as to correct the wing to pizza ratio. And also put thought into getting a vegetabl topping on the pizza to counteract the chicken on the wing, duh.

Not thinking about pizza or wings? Well then you have to go the way of the snack. Snacks can be tricky though when it comes to the Super Bowl. Regular snacks just don’t cut it, like I said before we’re trying to do everything to the MAX! Now I think that mozzerella sticks are a safe bet when it comes to finding a good snack, but if those aren’t your bag, then maybe some potato skins? This is really up to taste, but make sure there is plenty of nachos, and salsa is a must. Salsa is a nice way to sneak in vegetables without feeling guilty about eating vegetables during the Super Bowl. The entire time from pre-game to post-game should consist of nothing healthy, because the Super Bowl is the true display of manliness. Men don’t eat vegetables, only meat straight off the bone. And if it’s not, then it has to clot your arteries in some manner.

Finally, food is all figured out, now we can get down to the real details, alcohol. Hard liquor is ok for most occasions, but I think that during the Super Bowl, beer should be the main consumption. Beer exemplifies the true spirit of what football is all about. Cracking open a can (or bottle) and putting it in one of those Neoprene holder things (to keep it cold, silly) is a glorious feeling when combined with relaxing in the favorite piece of furniture that you’re accustomed to. Here would be my gameplan on how to organize social drinking during the game:

Assuming some people are cheering for both teams, when your team scores you should have to drink a beer. And when the other team scores those people should do the same. In the case of a field goal, drink half a beer, or a whole one if you want I mean you have to do everything to the MAX! Here’s where things are left open to discrepancy. If by halftime it isn’t turning out to be a terribly high scoring game, switch it up to a swig of beer for every of your teams first downs and especially cool plays. This will make it so by the time the end of the game draws near your excited regardless of the score. If it’s close then you’re yelling at the TV. If it’s a blowout in a bad way you’re yelling at the TV. If it’s a blowout in your favor, you’re yelling at your friends. Basically, if you’re yelling by the tail end of the game then there really isn’t much to complain about. Ehh, maybe get some hard liquor and do a shot for every turnover your team has, it’ll be punishment for the both of you. When you mix liquor and beer, no one is in the clear.

Now that you know what a good party should consist of, try making up your own rules for social drinking, I mean I didn’t write a law. Be creative, it’s the Super Bowl you have the right to spend as much time thinking about drinking as you want. And it’s Sunday so you’re not doing anything else, Church is in the morning. And don’t hold back based on the idea that you have work in the morning. So does everyone else in the world and trust me, it’s not stopping a whoooole lot of ’em. Take a sick day, because chances are you will be.