Experiencing the Role Reversal as a Stay-at-Home Dad
The decision was a natural fit for us as my wife’s career had taken a turn for the upside, both by design and good fortune. Meanwhile, I was working as a food server in an upscale dining establishment. For those who have had the pleasure of a steak and lobster dinner accompanied with a fine bottle of wine, you wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the glorified waiter can do pretty well for himself. But at the end of the day, my income was at a relative ceiling and fluctuated from the good times to the ugly days of not having enough hungry customers.
A year and a half has passed by and I don’t miss my old identity.
My daughter arrived into this world and as any first time father would proclaim, those early days were a blur. The usual lack of sleep, general shock of seeing my own child in front of me, and concerns of any possible dangers apply to us all. But I had additional comfort in knowing that my job encompasses this wondrous project before me.
Instead of serving flamb�© desserts, I could now serve my own family and our home transitioned from the newly married to the obvious statements that a child lives here. Believe me, a new baby arrives with plenty of work to keep anyone busy.
As I look back on the journey that has gotten me this far, I don’t think that this position is gender specific. Just like any other workplace, this job is what you make out of it.
Being a “homemaker” isn’t just about the child, but also about our home. At least two hours of my day are devoted to cleaning in some way or another. There’s always something to be picked-up, tossed out, or rinsed clean. Two or three days a week are more ambitious with laundry, bathroom, or more time consuming duties. For the most part, my wife doesn’t need to remind me what needs done and when. I fully appreciate my responsibilities, especially when I see that she’s had a difficult day in the real world.
For clarification, I am not always with a mop or diaper in hand. There are days when I am exceptionally lazy. In my case, I can get away with not vacuuming for a day, but my daughter will remind me when it’s time to get something done. Sometimes, when the phone isn’t being answered, we’re sharing the same nap period.
There are plenty of different activities that we do together as father and daughter, and I love seeing her experience these things for the first time. We may spend the day at any number of parks or at the zoo where we’ve come to value the yearly membership. There are also playgroups that get together so that she can play with other kids her own age.
For all the future dads out there that are considering making this kind of career change, listen up. Daytime television isn’t so bad, in a typical day I will watch about an hour’s worth of CNN and the rest of the rest of the day is devoted to sports. My daughter, however, has become more partial to Elmo’s World and so the control of the remote is shifting. Meanwhile, there’s plenty of opportunities for your hobbies. My daughter lights up anytime I bring out the guitar, and she doesn’t care how bad I play. Boredom is something that I’ve experienced plenty of in the normal workforce, but now I’m in control with how I spend my time.
My wife is very helpful in scheduling an official “Daddy Day” when I’m ready for a break. These are the days when I can do anything I like and enjoy myself. It refreshes me, of course, and I might go fishing or hiking on my own, but at the end of the day I only appreciate how much I enjoy my situation.
Being a parent that can take care of everything on the home-front can have an economic toll as the income gets tight. During these times I’d sure like to help out like I used to, but this feeling of helplessness isn’t unique to our circumstances. There are families with three incomes that can feel this same pinch, so I remind myself that it has less to do with my lack of income and more to do with the economics of life.
The typical costs of daycare alone range between $100-$200 per week. A modest income doesn’t leave much after this kind of expense. Setting aside the scary thoughts of everything that could go wrong with leaving your child outside of your personal care, a parent’s attention can not be replaced. I have been lucky to be a primary part of my child’s life. Honestly, all the single parents have my respect because I don’t know how they manage so well, something I never really realized until I’ve been given my own little gift.
And here’s a Big Shout-Out to all the stay-at-home moms and dads, We are making a difference! When I am asked indifferently by a stranger or application what I do for a living, I hesitate to categorize my employment. My income is for all purposes a fat zero. I also feel that even if we have three jobs, we’re all homemakers (If you don’t understand this last part, thank your family a little more for me.) Truly, I feel unemployed, though I don’t have the intention to start looking. Retirement is closer, but I’m feeling old enough. So “Stay-at-Home-Dad” is the best I’ve got, and I am completely satisfied.
