Exxon’s Record Sales or Why I Understand Absolutely Nothing

Exxon Mobile isn’t really a company as much as it is a group of barbarous rapists with their hearts set on sucking the souls out of the already downtrodden, hardworking members of the working class. They are economic vampires who prey on tragedy and fear. And if you want facts to back up these bitter statements of mine, please look elsewhere. I admittedly, understand nothingâÂ?¦

I do understand that the seemingly miniscule factoids that sometimes seep into my pea-sized brain, when taken out of context, are as useless as the proverbial fart in the wind. So, with that said, here are some facts to blow your proverbial minds.

Exxon Mobil recently disclosed that they set a record for profits among American companies ($36 billion in annual income, the number is meaningless). They also widened their lead over Wal-Mart as the company with the largest revenues. All this is well and good, but it’s kind of hard to reason with a public who’ve just witnessed a 300% hike in prices over the past five or six years. While going to school in South Carolina in 2000, I recall seeing gas as low as 79 cents a gallon, the station around the block from my house in New Jersey is selling it for $3.20.

I’m not stupid. I realize there are plenty of “real” factors that have led to this increase. I just wonder how much of that $3.20 is based on fact and how much is based on fucking thievery. There’s really no other way look at it. The difference between $2 and $3 is huge and apparently Exxon Mobil feels the same way. It’s gotten so bad that when and if gas prices fall to say $2.50, we’ll be so happy that most of us will forget that $2.50 is still more than double what we were paying just a few years ago. In other words, Big Oil has us by the balls. Gauging aside, Exxon Mobil won’t have to worry about turning a profit until, well, the oil runs out.

That day will surely come and maybe planet earth will be totally fucked when it does. I can completely envision a catastrophic scenario involving the end of oil, but that wasn’t the point of this article. Sometimes, I just need to vent about Big Oil without getting into an energy crisis debate. It just feels dirty and wrong that a company can take and take and take from people who have so little to begin with.

So, with all facts and political correctness aside, fuck you Exxon Mobil, you bitch-ass, motherfucking, soul-sucking rapists, may you burn in hell.