FM3 Visa Renewal in Mexico Gives Me Fits

“All you ever write about Mexico are the good things. Isn’t there anything that ever gives you fits?”

The bloody-honest truth is,

“Yes, there are things which give me pause in Mexico.”

I suppose what screeches in my head is there exists so much anti-Mexican sentiment in America, why should I add to it? And, that anti-Mexican sentiment consists of mostly ill-informed, racist, and xenophobic false stereotypes.

However, I thought I would take a moment to elaborate on a few issues about Mexico from the perspective of an American expat who lives here full-time. I have no plans of ever leaving despite the troubling things this American might find in this country.

Mexico, like any place in the Universe, is not a perfect place. These are only a few situations that totally escape my ability to understand on any level:

1. If you ever expatriate here, you will eventually want to get an FM3 visa. This visa will prevent you from having to travel back to the border to get your tourist visa renewed every six months. All the Americans I know who have tried to tackle this nightmare on their own have all had to return to the Immigration office exactly 4,789 times to correct some lack in the paperwork the boys down to the Immigration office claim exist in their weak girly man attempts. All the Americans I know who have used one of the various services, at $400.00 a pop, have NEVER had any trouble getting their FM3’s. They get them the first time-every time!

2. Point two is related to point # 1. The reason an American has the most horrendous problems navigating something like getting an FM3 visa (which, by the way, is not that difficult paperwork wise) is that when Immigration sees an American coming, they automatically forget everything about anything. We recently, and foolishly, tried getting our FM3 renewal by ourselves-NOT USING ONE OF THE SERVICES! The Immigration boys told us that we needed one amount of income to qualify for the FM3 visa. The Consulate told us another. We called one of the visa services that told us even another amount. NO ONE KNEW WHAT ACTUAL AMOUNT WE NEEDED TO QUALIFY FOR OUR FM3 RENEWAL.

3. Point three is also related to points # 1 and 2. If you face something complex in this country, like something more complex than asking for directions to the pubic rest rooms, what you can count on is that no one will know anything about anything. Case in point: The City of Guanajuato, a landlocked mountain city, has a lighthouse. Yes, you heard me, a genuine lighthouse. You would think that someone would know the reason. I have asked people who are 65 years old, have been born, raised, and educated in this town, and they DO NOT KNOW the answer. The closest possible explanation (that it was a gift from the Mexican Navy) was from someone who runs a Myths and Legends curio shop-not exactly a trusted source.

4. Another issue that I have written about in my books, Mexican Living: Blogging from a Third World Country, and the book I co-authored with my beloved wife, The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico, is that Mexico has to be the noisiest place on the face of the earth. We noticed this when were just tourists. Now that we live with this daily, we find Mexicans have to have the highest tolerance for noise of any culture in the known Universe.

Once I was in the “Super” with my wife. The people running a beer display had set up speakers and were blasting music beyond the ability of any normal person to endure. In addition, the store had cranked up the store’s sound system, I suppose to compete or compensate for the loud beer-display music.

As I stood near the beer display, staring in utter disbelief, and thinking I would surely suffer irreversible hearing loss and brain damage, a young woman staffing the beer display approached me. I swear that what I am about to say is the God-honest truth. She tried plying her obviously rehearsed sales pitch on me only, and I am not making this up, I could see her lips moving but could hear nothing coming out of her perky little mouth.

So, there you have it. I have finally written about something not so pleasant about Mexico.

“What was that you said? âÂ?¦I can’t hear you.”