Family Feuds: Tips for Mending Broken Bonds

Disagreements, arguing, and fighting are unavoidable. Even individuals with the mildest demeanor may occasionally become caught up in a heated battle. While fighting or feuds are unpleasant, and many people try and avoid conflict, expressing frustrations and standing up for your beliefs is healthy. Most battles resolve themselves over time. Even when two people employ the silent treatment for a couple of days, little by little the relationship is repaired. In time, both will likely forget what they were arguing about.

You can feud with anyone. This could be a co-worker, strangers, significant others, etc. However, most feuds occur among family members. Ironically, feuds tend to arise during family functions, perhaps a holiday gathering or wedding. The majority of feuds are pointless. On the other hand, some family members remain in constant battle. When this occurs, there is often a deeper problem causing the discord. The best way to mend a damaged relationship is to discuss the problem. Here are a few helpful tips to help you mend a broken bond.

Take the High Road.

During a fight, it’s hard for either party to bow out gracefully. Humans have egos and self-pride, in which they are inclined to defend. When approached negatively or spoken against, the first instinct is to fight back. However, this fuels the fire. To avoid a heated debate with a family member, all it takes is one person to remain calm. If both are yelling and shouting, the problem will continue to escalate and never get solved. Being calm is not a sign of weakness or acknowledgement of fault. Instead, it involves taking the so-called “high road.” Regardless of who is wrong or right, the person who loses self-control will appear foolish. Thus, even when there is just reason to be angered by a spouse, cousin, parent, etc, – remain cool and composed.

Do You Want to Repair the Relationship?

For the most part, nobody likes an ongoing war. Many people want to re-establish bad relationships, however, they can’t find an effective way. Some decide to count their losses and move on. Besides, you can’t make someone like you. Yet, few are satisfied with this choice. Instead of settling on having a bad relationship with a particular family member, address your concerns. Send the relative an email or letter expressing your hopes of a better relationship. Furthermore, you can telephone the relative and schedule a lunch or dinner date. This opens the door for calm communication. Without the shouting, pointing fingers, and audience – you may be able to find a common ground.

What is Your Role in the Battle?

The hardest thing to do as humans is admit when we are wrong. However, it is only fair to consider how much we contribute to the feud. Do you have an irritating personality? Are you critical? Does stubbornness prevent you from recognizing how your actions affect others? Acknowledging our role in arguments is very worthwhile. Besides, if nobody thinks that they’re wrong, there is no way to fix the problem.

Let It Go.

Once you have determined to fix a bad relationship, forgive and forget. This is hard. But, the results are phenomenal. In life, people will always rub us the wrong way. This does not mean we should cast them off. Part of living is learning how to deal with different people and personalities. If you cannot cope with a family member, how are you supposed to handle people in the world. With this said, agree to forgive and forget. With forgetting, this involves putting the past behind you. Thus, you should avoid drudging up demons from past battles. Let it go, and move on.