Fidel Castro Hosts the What is a Terrorist? Summit in Cuba

I guess there are several obvious reactions to the “What is a Terrorist?” Summit that Fidel Castro will be hosting down in Cuba in the very near future. Let’s go over themâÂ?¦

-“Huh, ‘What – is – a – Terrorist’ Summit, that’s got to be fake, right?” (The Aloof Guy)

-“What’s next, a Tupperware party featuring Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il?” (The Funny Guy)

-“Right on. I hope they show the world how black the American heart really is!” (The Hippie Guy)

-“Seriously, though. I think those guys are making some really good points. Maybe we are terrorists in some way.” (The Dumb Liberal Guy)

-“Oh come on. We should just bomb Cuba in the stone age and then set up some kind of giant American casino. Get ‘er done. (BURP)” (The Redneck Guy)

-“The liberal media would like you to believe that this “summit” isn’t dangerous, but I’ve read a lot of booksâÂ?¦I know better.” (The Ann Coulter Guy)

-“Fuck, I don’t know, whatever man.” (The Normal Guy)

I think I’m probably a cross between The Normal Guy and The Dumb Liberal Guy, with a little splash of The Redneck Guy (come on, imagine for a second if Cuba was just one big American casino with $5 blackjack tables and strip clubs galore). Basically, to fill you in, this Summit is real and it’s really called ‘What is a Terrorist? With your host Fidel Castro’ (NOTE: I realize this kind of sounds like it should be fake, like some spoof on The Daily Show, but it’s real. Trust me. Imagine if there was a talk show like that, though. If I ran television these are the kinds of shows that I would make: Your World with Fidel Castro or The O’Castro Factor. Personally, I think Fidel would love the attention and the audience would be bigger than you think) Okay, movingâÂ?¦

I think there are two things (we’re back in ‘Seriousland’ now) that you should know:

-The main point of this Summit is to redefine the term ‘terrorist’ so that it includes America’s actions in Iraq and Israel’s in Lebanon and etc., etc. Some people, especially dopes like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity, will have you think that this is a very dangerous proposition, but I think it’s more interesting than it is anything else. It’s like if 20 people tell you that the sky is blue and 2 tell you that it’s brown, who are you going to believe? Yeah, me too. I don’t understand these people who think that OUR voice counts ten times more than everyone else’s. It’s weird.

-Maybe ‘terrorist’ is too harsh a word to describe our country’s actions. I mean, 9/11 happened only 5 years ago. It might be a stretch to call the horrible things we’re doing ‘terrorist actions’ so soon, I don’t think the public is ready for that. I propose that we start calling us fluffikists. We’re like fluffy killing terrorists or something. I don’t know, it just sounds better I think.

One more thing before I go�

How about this Fidel Castro comeback? Wasn’t he half dead like a week ago? The gall of this man! This is akin to the Red Sox coming back from 0-3 in the 2004 ALCS. Seriously, it is. Whatever you think about the man, you have to give him credit.