Flexibility & Realm: The Sexual Revolution is Here, PART II
DISCLAIMER: This article may contain sexually explicit material and may not be suitable for anyone under the age of 18 (or anyone at all for that matter). The following is a guide describing ways for consenting adults to improve their sex lives. Reader discretion is advised.
Sometimes you need twist your baby girl into pretzel (not forcibly so) and other times you just need to do it somewhere different (not like in the butt). Welcome, to the second installment of My Scintillating Guide to Safe and Super Sex. In this episode I’d like to talk about flexibility and realm.
FLEXIBILITY
Most think that flexibility is not a learned thing, that you’re either flexible or you’re not. That is just a silly and somewhat scary way to think. Who would want to go through life thinking that their current state of flexibility is all there ever going to get? Not me, that’s for sure. There are literally hundreds of different ways that you can make you (or your loved one) more flexibleâÂ?¦I will delve into maybe four of them, you can just Google the rest, cool?
First things first, you’ll need to test your partners flexibility in action. Guys, see how far you can get that leg to bend, and ladies, check to see if your Nadia Comaneci on without breaking your man’s pelvis. Once you’ve got a gauge for where you and your special friend are, you can move on.
A couple ways to get more flexible include yoga and lots of stretching. It also helps if you’re in killer shape, so you might want to hit the gym. When your bodies are sculpted to perfection, the sex will improve. This is the undeniable, most important fact of life: hot people have better sex. There having better sex right now as I type, right now as you read this and tomorrow when you drown yourself with pizza and beer. What are you waiting for?
REALM
Realm might not be the right word, but what I mean by it is�the place where you make whoopee, your sexual playland, the bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen. Where do you have sex?
It might not seem like a big deal, but studies that I can’t quote have proven the locale of the sexual experience is just as important as the size of the pussy and the tightness of the vagina. I have a huge penis, enormous really, so I don’t have to worry about this as much as everybody else. I’m just here to help, you know?
Let’s see, where can we begin. For starters, the so-called “Mile High Club” is not such a good idea. I know one guy who dislocated his shoulder doing that and I know another couple that got arrested and spent a weekend in airport jail. For beginners, I suggest easy things like bathrooms at the zoo or on top of the washing machine. These are safe and fun ways to enjoy sex in a different way, and who doesn’t like the zoo?
For more advanced sexual journeymen and journeywomen, here’s a few more locales for ya’ll to tryâÂ?¦
Your condo’s pool and common area
The Vince Lombardi rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike
The driveway at 4 AM
Your neighbor kid’s treehouse (also at 4 AM)
On FDR’s head at Mt. Rushmore (I’m not sure how realistic this one is)
Remember, safe sex can be super so long as it’s scintillating. See you next time
