Flirting and Children
You always hear that imitation is the nicest form of flattery, but I wonder just who these youngsters are imitating. Their parents? Their older friends? Do they see this kid of thing on television? Obviously it’s a combination of all three. All this preening around. I thought I was looking at a hen full of chickens. And you know it gets worse over time.
Sometime between the first half of the Super Bowl and a trip to the supermarket, women decided to stop waiting to be courted and do the courting! Women flirt for a lot of reasons – to find a suitable mate, a lifetime partner, someone to have sex with or maybe all three. And these little nuances of courtship get passed on to our kids.
Well, when it comes to flirting techniques, it’s not so much what a woman says, as what she does. Studies have shown that women give off non-verbal cues to initiate contact. And the bad part is, most men are so naÃ?¯ve, they don’t even realize it! Males process the information from these non-verbal flirting techniques and react; all the while thinking it is THEY who are initiating contact. In fact I’m still trying to figure out how my wife hooked me – a lifelong bachelor. One minute I’m asking for directions, and the next minute I’m walking down the aisle. Go figure!
The old-school train of thought used to be that the woman with the most attractive figure attracted the most men, because men – by nature – are searching for someone to have their child. Now maybe this is true, but while the male may be looking at the female’s breasts and hips, what he is REALLY responding to is the flirting techniques themselves. Those good ‘ol non-verbals that subliminally summon the man and make the hair on the back of his neck stand up on end.
Would you believe that research has shown when women flirt they use no less than 52 different flirting techniques, ranging from glancing, gazing and lip licking to giggling, laughing and even nodding in agreement. Many times a woman’s flirting techniques will include hiking her shirt up (if she’s wearing a skirt) to make sure a specific man gets the message, and pulling it down if those signals were picked up by the wrong individual. Again, women flirt because they want to flirt. It’s no accident and that’s a fact!
Now, when women flirt, the man receives these signals and responds with his own subtle or not-so-subtle signals. Males tend to respond with actions that can be interpreted as dominant. Such as sticking out there chests, maintaining eye contact and even strutting around. I remember doing all three – often at the same time – and looking and feeling really silly. It all adds up to some crazy-looking mating dance. More often than not though, these actions – by both the man and woman – go on simultaneously, and involve several members of the opposite sex at the same time. In short, both man and woman are “working the numbers”. Throwing out a wide net so-to-speak and sending out specific signals and then seeing what potential-mate gets reeled back in.
And darn it, if all this wasn’t happening before my very eyes (albeit on a simpler, more innocent scale) in the courtyard of my daughter’s school! When women flirt, sustained smiling seems to be a signal that is emitted with regularity. If they are happy, they will show it. And the male will respond in kind. Likewise, if the non-verbals a woman sends out are getting picked up by the wrong man, she will send out strong easy-to-recognize signals such as turning partially away, crossing her arms in indifference, or extending her middle finger.
Again, all these actions amount to a kind of psychological ping-pong game; the woman picks up her drink, the man does likewise. The woman takes out a cigarette and the man offers to light it. Thus when the woman flirts she ensures that she is in synch with her prospective mate. And all the while, the woman’s flirting techniques dictate the pace of the encounter. Because many times the end result is not necessarily sex. Sometimes the woman is going through the motions simply for the enjoyment of knowing that her methodology works. It wouldn’t be the first time that a man feels he is receiving all the signals that will lead to a roll between the sheets, only to find himself staring at a woman who all-of-a-sudden is more interested in the split ends of her hair that in the gaze of his eyes.
I’ve never figured it out. And thankfully I’m in a position where I no longer have to! Having said all that, I’m pretty sure I still flirt with my wife. In fact we joke about meeting at a bar somewhere – you know, like back in the “good old days”, but I’m afraid if we do she’ll get picked up by the wrong guy. Which brings me back to waiting for my daughter. As her father, I’m proud to say that all guys are the wrong guys when comes to my little chip-off-the-old-block. Those days are fast coming to an end.
The bell rings and out rushes my 12 year-old. And sure enough she prances around a bit with her peers, while the young boys mull around, acting like they don’t notice.
Woman and flirting. What a cycle!
