Four Wives – Three Too Many for Most Muslim Men
An aspect of the Islamic culture that has captivated young American and European men throughout history is the legality and common practice of taking more than one wife. The thought of dealing with two or more wives frightens many men into uncontrollable convulsions, but for others, the concept enthralls and incites their wonder and amazement. Of course, the first question that seems to roll off the tongue of every inquisitively youthful Soldier or Marine stationed in the Middle East when openly conversing with a Muslim is, “So, do you get to sleep with all four of them at the SAME time?” Oh, how it pains me to watch their naÃ?¯ve little bubbles burst and ooze with shattered fantasies when they are presented with the realities of this Islamic institution.
I was under the impression that the average Muslim man exercised his right to four wives, or at least a couple. After all, what man would give up the opportunity to have two women clean his house and wait on him hand and foot, both of whom he is legally and morally free to have sexual relations? Having spent nearly six months in the Middle East and interacted with numerous Muslim men, I discovered that the answer to this question is quite a few. Most of the Muslim men I associated with indeed have just one wife and have either had that single wife for many years, or plan on living monogamously with their one wife into old age. When questioned about their refusal to consider polygamy I received a common response that I would expect to receive from many American men – a large grin followed by, “One wife is more than enough; I can’t afford more than one.” But below this lighthearted cynicism, I saw that there was another reason – they truly loved their wives and did not desire a second.
In the larger cities of the Middle East – Baghdad, Amman, Doha, etcâÂ?¦ – it is actually the minority who are in polygamous marriages. Key motives for the men who do take more than one wife are often the inability of their first wife to bear children or an illness that prevents the wife from being able to manage a household. Carrying on family lineage holds a deep rooted cultural and religious significance in the lives of Arab men. The women understand this and do their best to assist in this duty; I emphasize this dedication on the wives’ part because, much to the surprise of the Western world, per Islamic Law, a Muslim man must inform and receive the approval of his first wife before he may marry a second women. If the woman refused to accept her husband’s taking of a second wife, she is free to request a divorce after her husband marries the other woman. By doing this though, she will often have to accept giving up any sort of alimony payment and the husband, if he wishes, will maintain custody of any underage children produced by the marriage. However, Per Iraqi law, if the first wife can prove that adultery was committed with the other woman prior to the marriage or that her husband did not inform her of his plan to take a second wife before he married and a divorce will be granted for the wife if she wishes and the husband or his father must support and provide for the ex-wife for the rest of her life; unless she remarries or until her oldest son acquires stable employment.
Under Saddam, Iraqi government employees were forced by law to inform their employers of their intention to take a second wife; this was so official documents could be drawn up and delivered to the first wife to ensure she was suitably informed of her husband’s intentions and avoid messy public court battles between the couple . If the man failed to inform his employers and his wife of the second marriage, the Iraqi government forced him to divorce his second wife and possibly serve time in prison. The Iraqi government also tacked additional stipulations onto Islamic Law regarding polygamy. In order for a man to take a second wife, he had to demonstrate reasonable justification for needing a second wife; he could not simply decide to marry a second woman because he wants more than one wife. Acceptable grounds included the first wife’s infertility or her inability to bear any male children (even though it is now common knowledge throughout the world – including the Middle East – that the sex of the child relies on the father).
Even if the husband makes it past his first wife and gains her approval to marry another woman, his personal responsibilities in life are augmented significantly and a substantial amount of complications and obstacles are created. Unless the wives agree to live under the same roof, the husband must be financially able to provide for separate residences. Per Islamic law, he must treat each of his wives equally and in ultimate fairness. If he purchases a car for one wife, he must purchase a car for the other(s). He must spend equal time with each of his wives and treat all children with equality as well.
On the flip side, Arab women are often quite accepting of their husbands’ other wives and even sometimes choose to live in the same household where they assist each other with the daily housework, chores and child rearing. It is not uncommon for intimate bonds to form that rival sisterhood. But before many of you eager gentlemen decide to convert to Islam and run away to the Middle East to snatch up your four wives, heed this: even in harmonic households where Muslim men and their multiple wives are all living together in wedded bliss, I’m sure it is still an extremely select few (if any) who are getting to sleep with all of their wives at the same time. Sorry guys.
