Frenzied Grandmother’s Guide to KId Shows

I am a 53 year old grandmother who has taken care of her two-year old grandson for the past 2 yrs. I am here, have survived, and am going to offer serious pearls of wisdom. The fact of the matter is that kid shows are not what they used to be. Gone are the days of Captain Kangaroo, Mister Green Jeans and Bunny Rabbit.

Today’s shows are much more geared toward teaching and are really not as kind. So, in the interest of informing grandparents everywhere of the best of television entertainment for the little darlings, I offer you this grandmother’s top five kid shows of today!

Here are the three sociologically based research criteria we used for choosing the top five. We are Truth Lewis, my two-year old grandson, and I. As you review these criteria keep in mind that these standards were developed with the condition that the grandparent would be watching these concoctions as well.

Criteria number one: You must be able to sit through the entire program with the child. We have made some allowances for getting the child a drink or a cracker-but other than that, you must be in place throughout. We will be using a scale of one through five, with five as the strongest urge to move, while one is the least strong urge.

Criteria number two: Eyes glazing over at any point throughout the storyline. Again, the scale is one through five. Five meaning that the eyes are wide open with no formation of glaze and one being eyes completely shut – some snoring might be involved here.

Criteria number three: It is imperative that the program not be so inviting that you do not begin to watch reruns. However, occasional marathon watching can be construed to mean that the program has taken the adult form of television viewing. This is probably the most complex indicator of kid show criteria. However, with this we are still using the scale one through five. Five meaning you have just made it to the shows conclusion and one being you have almost dipped into a following showing of the same program.

The following five kid shows have been chosen using the above criteria. Even though, the scale was used to perform the study it will not be used as the shows are listed and described. Disclaimer: The following listing does not pretend to mean anything to anyone other than myself and my grandson. It is offered as a public service to grandparents who have been watching their grandchildren on snow days, rainy days and other days when they cannot go outside. It will be presented in ascending order.

Number 5- Harry and His Bucket of Dinosaurs

Judging from the delighted outcry from Truth Lewis, this sweet show with the little boy and a bunch of miniature dinos that he keeps in his bucket by his bed, Harry and his Bucket of Dinosaurs might make number 3 or 4 next study. However, I do begin to glaze over about one-half of the way through the show. My observation is that I have not yet been able to understand the theme of the program. I am also just about ready to rise from my seat at the very end. There is no threat of multiple sittings or reruns at this point for this show.

Number four- Lazy Town

My grandson screams, ” Lazy Town!” when Spartacus (action hero) leaps out of his bed. A lot of exercise, sanctimonious uttering about keeping active and eating healthy foods might make my eyes glaze over, however, the saving grace of Lazy Town is Ronnie Rotten (the villain of the show) who feeds ice cream and cake to the kids and is thrilled when they get so sick to their stomachs that they can’t perform active sports. Once in awhile I have been tempted to sit through another one of these action shows. However, the pink-haired character Stephanie, perky as can be, helps me avoid that fate and give Lazy Town a firm #4 on the Top 5.

Number 3- Dora the Explorer

This bilingual cutie and her pal monkey, Boots, keep me on the edge of my seat waiting for the mysteries to be revealed. “Will Dora figure out The Map’s instructions?” “What item is Backpack hiding?” Which one helps through the tunnel?” Will Swiper steal something or will Dora and Boots stop him in time?” All of these questions are filled with suspense and a kind of excitement that only a grandmother can find in her dreams! So, no trouble sitting through the program, my eyes do glaze over but only with tears toward the end of the show. And no leanings toward reruns-yet!

Number 2-Blue’s Clues

This is another story filled with suspense! It can sometimes be a little hard to follow, but the Handy Dandy Notebook comes to the rescue as a great reminder tool. The character of Joe helps the adult viewer keep glued to the tube as he dances and sings with great gusto to Mailbox and Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper (these might be inverted as sometimes I get very excited at these sections of the program.) But, the surprise ending is always worth the wait. Being told that “I sure am smart!” is a message worth waiting for.

Number 1-Spongebob Squarepants

There is no disputing the placement of Spongebob and his merry band of mischief makers to the number one spot! Spongebob Squarepants has no moral, no mystery of any consequence, does not speak Spanish or even English very well, eats unhealthy crab burgers and seldom listens to anyone in authority-although he does seem to be a good friend to Patrick, his starfish best pal, and feeds his pet snail, Gary, occasionally. It’s easy to get through the show, eyes never glaze over, but I have found myself getting ready for a rerun.

There you have it-this frenzied grandmother’s five best choices of the kid shows of today. Now, go get your little grandchild, buy some pop-tarts and kool-aid and sit back with a day filled with Harry, Spartacus, Dora, Blue and Spongebob! Happy Glazing!