Friends Have Benefits: Ever Thought of Dating a Close Friend?

Tired of disastrous blind dates? Had your fill of internet hookup sites thinly veiled as friendship databases? Losing hope in the idea that there is that one special someone in the world who exists just for you? I was. But I found a solution to the dead-end results and insecurities of not knowing who I’d end up with; I did what we all do in times of our greatest need. I turned to a friend.

This is not a how-to guide on “friends with benefits.” It’s an exploration into that dating realm often considered taboo to this MTV generation. If you haven’t before, I encourage you now to consider your friends as potential romantic partners.

Let’s take a look at the logic here. The traits generally wanted in a significant other are: trust, attraction, compatibility, and a special connection exclusive to the couple. If we compare these traits to those found in a good friend we can find all that we’re looking for.

Number one in any relationship is trust. Trust is built from constant communication. We fear strangers because we don’t know anything about them. We don’t communicate regularly with them–we can’t trust them. We trust our friends because we know them, we are around them and communicate as often as we can with them. Honest communication is the key to maintaining trust. So let’s apply this to a good friend / potential “more-than-friend.” We are willing to tell them our thoughts, feelings, fears, secrets and goals. We lay ourselves out on the table for them. We share our souls. Aristotle wrote that “friendship is a single soul living in two bodies.” Who better a candidate for soul-mate than a friend?

Second–but first for some–is attraction. The universe is held together through the laws of attraction. So is a couple. Digging under the surface, we can find something attractive in all of our friends. There is some quality in all of them that we find appealing. We are obviously not repulsed by them. Even if they have certain qualities we don’t like, there is an attraction towards them that overcomes our dislikes. We’re all imperfect people: mutual attraction allows people to maintain friendships. Let’s take this another step further. What if we’re not physically attracted to a close friend? For some inexplicable reason, we remain close to them because of their special brand of magnetism. Looks fade with time. Eventually, the special magnetism will outlast any physical appearances.

Third, compatibility. Friends generally share interests. They get along well together. They understand each other. They have fun. They enjoy each others’ company. This is too easy.

Finally we come to that special connection, that spark between people who trust each other; are attracted to each other; and find themselves compatible. Here’s the secret I discovered: you’ve got to develop that special connection. I found a close friend who had the first three traits on our list. After unsuccessful relationships with other women, I looked at my situation: here’s a great girl who I’d immediately go after–if only we weren’t friends! I took a step back and thought it through. I had no justifiable reason to not go for it. Sure, things might not work out. But that’s the risk we take in every romantic venture. And friendships are what they are; if things change after a period of dating, then things change. After I looked at my friend beyond our friendship, I realized that she was everything I never knew I needed and wanted. The same goes for her. Almost ten months later, we’re still together and can’t help but ask ourselves, “How did this happen? Who knew?” No one can know for sure. But you’ll never know unless you try.