From Baby Showers to Engagements: Being Frugal With Good Manners

Many of us who try to be “frugal” get creative sometimes to save a little money. While this is generally acceptable, it is important to remember that in some situations it is downright rude or unacceptable to take advantage of someone else’s generosity, or to affront someone by leaving a miniscule tip. There are certain forms of money etiquette that should be followed, no matter how frugal one might be. Here are some basic guidelines as to what not to skimp on. After all, being frugal is one thing. Being a freeloader or a complete miser is another.

When dining at a restaurant, the tip is often a source of confusion. Tips should be figured on the total of the food and beverages before taxes, and definitely BEFORE discounts, coupons, or gift certificates. 15 percent is acceptable for good service, and 20 percent for great service. If the service is really bad, 10 percent is all that is necessary. But really bad service is rather rare.

The good news is that if you cannot attend a bridal or baby shower that you have been invited to attend, a gift is not necessary. However, the polite thing to do is to send a note with your regrets for missing the shower. Weddings themselves are another matter. A gift should be sent even if you cannot attend the wedding. Many people also choose to send baby gifts upon the arrival of the little one if unable to attend the baby shower.

An engagement ring is the property of whoever bought it in the event that an engagement is broken off (once you are married, however, the option of keeping the engagement ring after a divorce is yours). Significant gifts given during the period of the engagement should be returned to each other. No selling those gifts for gain, no matter who breaks off the engagement!

Ministers of most churches should be paid to perform weddings and funerals. Some ministers and pastors have set fees, and others do not. A gift of at least 100 dollars is the norm for these services if there is no set fee. In some religions, such as the LDS (Mormons) faith, there is no gift required. For a marriage in the temple, the officiator is performing a duty, and does not receive any material compensation. When an LDS bishop performs the ceremony outside the temple, cash is usually not given, although a small gift of thanks can be appropriate (this is the same for a funeral). For other Christian religious services, gifts instead of cash are not appropriate.

A 15 dollar minimum is proper etiquette for a free makeover at a cosmetics counter if the makeover takes more than 15 minutes, or if you do not buy anything. If the makeover is quick, or if you decide to buy something for the salesperson giving the makeover, no tip is necessary.

Finally, no one wants to seem too cheap when eating out in a group. But “splitting evenly” can be a pain, especially if you do not order as much or if your meal is less expensive. The best way to handle this situation with class is to ask the server to split the check. That way all become responsible for their portions. Try to position yourself at the edge of the table so that if the separate check idea is not a possibility you can get the check first. Quietly figure out how much you owe, and how much of the tip you owe. Then place that amount onto the check and pass it along to the next person. Your dignified example will signal to the others what should be done.