Gaining Your Parent’s Permission: A Guide for Teens
Leaving the house, I sighed as I thought of the differences in Chad’s life and my own. My life was a teenage dream. I had a truck, a girl friend, and I got to go virtually everywhere I wanted to. I had learned how to survive – no – I had learned how to thrive under my parent’s system.
I had arrived at the place where all I had to do was ask and my parents gave me the nod to go engage in mindless adolescent frivolities until curfew time. Even when I was gonna be an hour and a half late, a quick phone call to let mom know and I got the “OK, honey, just be safe and have a good time.”
But Chad couldn’t even ask to go to the library without raising suspicion. “Where are you really going to go?,” mom would ask from over the top of her glasses, before escorting him to the library herself – very embarrassing. But all of that could have changed if he would have simply learned to do the one thing that made my teenage years an unforgettable joyride: play the parents.
Yes, parents can make your life miserable, but when you learn to play their game, they can be cooler than P.Diddy. Sound interesting? Luckily for you, I’ve analyzed my parent-fooling strategy and broken it down into four simple steps. With a little practice, this guide will help you gain your parent’s permission to do those things you’ve been dying to.
Understand Your Parents’ Fears.
It is impossible to manipulate your parents unless you understand them. Don’t write your parents off as “quacks,” or yell at them for being old fashioned and not wanting you to have any fun. That won’t get you permission to go on that road trip to Corpus Christi with your friends. They have reasons for telling you no. Reasons that they believe are good ones. Your job as a teenager is to understand these reasons.
Adults live in a world filled with news reports of Sunday-School-teaching-child-molesters, and fatal diseases contracted by e-mail. Your terrified parents feel it is their mission to protect you from an increasingly hostile world. They must defend your fragile mind from the negative messages that Eminem is shouting at you through your CD player, they must protect you from Pedi files, diseases, and Lord, above all, they must protect you from making their own mistakes.
Faced with this daunting task, their first instinct is to chain you to your bed, board up your windows, and stand sentry at your door with an AK-47 and a bowie knife. Fortunately, child abuse laws prevent them from resorting to such measures.
Gain Their Trust
Now that you understand their fears, use this knowledge to alleviate those fears. You can start by giving your parents a good image of yourself. If your parents believe that you are a “mature and responsible young adult”, they will not worry how and where you spend your free time.
But if you make bad grades, are constantly in your principal’s office, and scream at your siblings, then your parents will feel you lack self control and will do harmful things to yourself if you are not under close supervision. So take out the trash, keep a clean room, don’t argue with your brothers and sisters, and start using phrases like “yes ma’am” and “no sir”. And when they ask you to mow the lawn or wash the dishes, do it without complaining and do it well (no, I’m not kidding). Do this and your parents will start trusting you and will lighten up on the reins.
Learn to Deal With NO
Once you have gained your parents’ trust, you can then begin to seek their permission for whatever you may be wishing to do. Let me first say that if you do anything without their permission you risk losing their trust and, consequently, defeat your whole purpose.
Learn to take your losses – sometimes your parents will say NO, so just suck it up and try again next time. If you put pillows under your covers and then slip out your window later that night, you won’t enjoy yourself because you will be worried sick about being caught, and when you do get caught (and you will) then you can forget about getting a yes next weekend or the weekend after that. Trust me, you will have more fun if you obey your parents.
Ask at The Right Time
Now that we know how to deal with the NO, let’s learn how to avoid that dreaded two-letter response more often. The key to success here is timing. You must ask at a time when they are tired, distracted, and generally pleased with your behavior.
For example, a good time to ask your mom if you can get out with friends is after she gets in from work and is doing something she enjoys, like reading a book, or knitting, or whatever her hobby might be. Never ask while she is cleaning the house, or she might get angry with you for not offering to help her with the chores.
You should ask your father while he is working because he’ll be annoyed by the distraction, and quickly tell you “yes” so he can finish fixing that sink and get back to watching his football game.
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There are many things to take in consideration when asking for your parents’ blessings, but the main thing is to first gain their trust. After that, gaining permission is fairly easy, but keep in mind that finding the right time to ask is an art, so keep your patience. After you master the steps of understanding their fears, gaining their trust, accepting the NO, and timing your requests, you’ll find your parents saying YES more often and extending freedoms to you that you once thought were out of your reach until you moved out. So go on out there my pupils and master the art of parent-manipulation. Once you learn that you can start learning how to control your future spouses, but that’s for another article
