Getting Dad Involved with Your Newborn Baby
It’s been quite a journey. Nine long months filled with anticipation, joy, nervousness, and a little fear- well maybe a lot of fear. It is perfectly normal to feel a little anxious and nervous about your new lifelong role as a Mother. In fact, if this is your first baby, it would be abnormal not to feel nervous. You have been undergoing physical and emotional changes and your whole life is not only changing, but also changing permanently. You are taking on the greatest responsibility that life has to offer- raising the next generation- and it is quite all right to feel a little overwhelmed. But you will soon find that you do have instincts, you do have common sense, and with the help of local resources, you will be the best parent that your baby needs. You may be surprised to realize that your spouse is afraid too. Many times men feel that they need to be “the strong ones” and “the one who is in control”. This is a time when both Mom and Dad need to come together and openly discuss their fears about their new roles without feeling that they have to put on a “front” for each other. Communication is the key to every successful relationship, and this includes the new family unit that you are stepping in to.
Don’t be Afraid to Ask For Help
There are wonderful community resources available to help put your mind at ease and point you to the information that you need. To begin with, talk to your obstetrician. Your obstetrician is there to answer any questions that you may have. They will also help you find local prenatal classes as well as classes that will help prepare your for your newborn baby. Many times at the doctor’s office, when women are asked if they have any questions, their minds seem to go blank, and they look up with a convincing smile, and say, “No, none at all.” And as soon as the office door is closed and they are in the car on the way home, suddenly a flood of questions comes racing in their minds. The best way to avoid this situation is to keep a notepad and write down the questions that you have. That way, when you are ready for your next visit, you can ask your doctor whatever questions you have accumulated during the weeks. Also, don’t forget to include Dad. Many fathers will rearrange their schedules or are willing to take their wives or partners to the obstetrician. They have just as many questions as Mom, and too often, their questions simply go unasked and sadly, unanswered. So men, make sure that you are there supporting your wives in every way possible, and yes, if that means holding her hand in the obstetrician’s office then it is your role to be there for her, providing support, love, and care. And don’t be afraid to ask the obstetrician any questions that you may have as well.
The Newborn and Nursing
If you are planning on breast-feeding your newborn you may have the usual fears, concerns, and worries. “How will I know if my baby is feeding enough?” “Can I really feed my baby and make sure that he has all of the nutrition he needs?” To answer these and any other questions you may have, your best community resource is the La Leche League. You may ask your obstetrician for information on your local La Leche League or contact their website http://www.lalecheleague.org for more local information. This group will provide literature, classes, and breast-feeding mother groups that you may join for friendship and support. Don’t neglect Dad in this area either. Breast-feeding is nature’s perfect design for feeding and bonding with baby, but Dad’s need to bond too. Obviously they can not breast-feed, but it is recommended that dad’s provide skin to skin contact with their newborn’s as well. This can be accomplished by Dad holding his newborn close and without his shirt on- nuzzling and cooing to his newborn delight.
Newborn Care- The Hospital
When you deliver your baby in the hospital, you will be amazed at how many nurses are willing to teach you Newborn Care 101. They will offer you hands on training in the art of swaddling, diapering, feeding, bathing, and dressing. Take advantage of the knowledge these nurses have to offer. They have degrees in taking care of babies and are willing to offer their wisdom with you. Don’t be hesitant on asking them to repeat something, or asking them to show you how to swaddle your newborn a second time. It’s their job to make sure that you feel comfortable with your newborn before leaving the hospital. They will also provide you with many different magazines, booklets, and leaflets regarding to newborn baby care- accept these pamphlets as gifts and read them. You will find them invaluable and many questions that you have you will find will be answered by the booklets that you will receive. Again, include Dad in all of these tasks. No mother should leave the hospital not knowing how to properly diaper or bathe their newborn, and neither should Dad! So put down your pride, and don’t be ashamed to ask the nurse to show you how to swaddle and bathe your newborn as well. You will both feel at ease knowing that your newborn will be properly taken care of by both of you.
Your Newborn’s Pediatrician
You will most likely choose your newborn’s pediatrician before your delivery date. Your baby’s pediatrician has a wealth of information available for you. Schedule a meeting with your newborn’s pediatrician and ask them any questions that you may have. Don’t be afraid to let your pediatrician no what concerns you or what you are afraid of. You should feel comfortable with your baby’s pediatrician, and if you don’t feel comfortable asking them questions or if you don’t feel that they are patient with you, then by all means, choose another pediatrician. The pediatrician is your baby’s primary doctor, and you must have a trustworthy relationship with the pediatrician that you choose. If one of you doesn’t feel comfortable with the choice of pediatrian then again, you need to communicate to each other and voice your reasons. You need to make sure that your decisions are mutual.
Don’t Leave Dad Out of the Picture
You aren’t alone in this new challenge. It took two of you to make a newborn, and both you and your spouse will be parents. Too many Fathers are preoccupied and leave all the parenting up to mom. This isn’t the way it is supposed to be. I encourage all fathers to take an active role in parenting as well as in prenatal and breast-feeding classes. There is no legitimate reason why a man cannot be with his wife or partner every step of the way as together they welcome their child into the world. Far too long, male pride and ego have dominated the traditional family setting and this has caused negative impressions upon generations relating to the father in general. Women will need the love and support of the men in their lives not only through pregnancy, but in the delivery room, and when home as well. But the same goes for women too. This isn’t a time to feel that Dad has no “maternal instincts” and to keep him out of the picture altogether. Even if Mom is breast-feeding Dad still needs to be involved in the newborn care process and have equal time to bond with his baby as well. In the long run, Mom will appreciate the love and attention devoted not only on her but on their child as well. So it is imperative that Mom realizes that she plays a role in nurturing the bond between father and child as well. In the end, you will see that all the fear, anxiety, and worries have faded away and all that remains is a strong, healthy and stable family unit.
