Girls Gone Wild: Creator Joe Francis Pled Guilty

At this point, ‘Girls Gone Wild’ is a household brand right? By that I mean, even if you haven’t seen the actual films, there’s at least a 99% chance that you’ve seen the commercials for them. Okay, so let’s say you’re a guy under the age of 50 and over the age of 17âÂ?¦ I would say that there’s 80% chance that you either A) own a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ video, B) know someone who does, or C) have, at least, seen a portion of one at a party or something. Ergo, ‘Girls Gone Wild’ is a national brand, if not a full-on cultural phenomenon, albeit one that peaked about four years ago.

So working with his foundation, what would you think if I told you that some of those girls, perhaps, weren’t of legal age? (Would that be something you might be interested in?) No, seriously, this isn’t just a crap-article of random nothingness that I conjured up off the top of my head. This is a real story. Shit, I wish it wasn’t.

(TIME OUT)

A Word On Sex Crimes, Statutory Rape, Sodomy and The Consenting Age�

Before I continue, I think it’s important that I make myself clear about a few “hot button” issues. (NOTE: the term “hot button” is not something I use in everyday conversations, but when you’re writing all day long, certain catchphrases can get the best of you.) I think some of our sex laws are pretty fucked up. For instance, why do some states outlaw sodomy? If you want to consent to gettingâÂ?¦ (EDIT), well then I think that’s your business. Why (or how) is there a law against unforced sodomy? It makes no sense. As far as the legal age of consent goes, look, I’m not trying to make enemies. I’m just saying that some 16 or 17-year olds look a lot older than they really are. That’s all. And statutory rape, hmmm, that’s another weird one. If some guy just turns 18 and a 16-year old girl really wants to have screw him, who’s to say that either of those kids are wrong? Not me. Moving onâÂ?¦

As of yesterday, ‘Girls Gone Wild’ creator Joe Francis and his associates pled guilty to violating a federal law meant to prevent the sexual exploitation of children. In other words, the creators failed to maintain age and identity documents for performers in the sexually explicit films they produced and distributed. So what does this mean?

Is every man who’s ever watched a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ DVD (or VHS) supposed to feel bad about themselves now? Should we burn Joe Francis on a cross? Perhaps he should be castrated? How are we supposed to feel about this?

I for one am going to lead a movement regarding this matter. I call it the “whatever” movement. So when someone comes up to you, maybe some hairy feminist, and says, “how can you live with yourself knowing that some of the girls on that film might have been 17?” You can retort with a cool, “whatever.” Because this is how I really feel. I don’t care. I’m sure there were a lot of dirty people pushing this investigation on the courts and I’m sure Joe Francis gladly paid a huge fine to bury the story. In the end, the only real losers are the stupid chicks in those movies. Wait, I don’t actually mean that.

The only real losers are the GUYS who are going to marry those girls one day. You KNOW this scenario has played out once or twice�

Some guy, maybe some drunk guy, orders a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ DVD and when he gets it he recognizes one of the girls in those faux-lesbian clips. It’s his buddy’s wife Sue; they just got married. And then he has to make this horrible phone callâÂ?¦

SOME GUY: Hey buddy
BUDDY: Hey, what’s up?
SOME GUY: Wow, I don’t know how to say this.
BUDDY: What dude, what’s wrong?
SOME GUY: (Cringing) It’s SueâÂ?¦I think I saw her on ‘Girls Gone Wild’âÂ?¦
(SILENCE)

Obviously, there’s no way the rest of this story plays out nicely. You can use your imagination.

Bottom line: Hypothetical underage girls on ‘Girls Gone Wild’ are not the victims here. Think about it.

*On a side note, I can’t call these movies pornos. So I created the word ‘pornish’ to describe them. We could also use this word to describe NFL cheerleaders and the recent exploits of some Real World cast members.