Good Men Do Exist, and They Want to Fall In Love
Many women often complain that all the good men are either married or gay. Women also tend to categorize men as a power hungry, self-absorbed, money obsessed, physically abusive and sexually driven species. In some cases, this is indeed true, but there are many men who live in contrast to these stereotypes. While much is made of the fact that women suffer all types of abuse from men, so many good men, with compassionate and loving hearts, have had their lives turned upside down because of the actions of their wife, girlfriend or significant other. Unfortunately, their stories often go untold. That is, until now.
“Gene,” 35, is a respected and decorated 20-year veteran of the New York City Police Department. He was involved in a fourteen-year relationship, and after graduating from the police academy he married his long time love. During the course of the relationship he helped to raise her two children to become successful and productive members of society, with one going on to become a doctor and the other a teacher. He even purchased a house in Queens (NY) in order to fulfill his goal of becoming a husband, father and provider. He saved money for the children’s future and was paying for his wife’s continuing education. He came home from his tour one night and his wife told him that she was in love with a younger man and wanted a divorce.
“I was totally devastated. I loved this woman, and she made me feel as though we had the perfect relationship. We had great communication, and I believed we would be married for fifty years or more. It’s been five years now, and I still carry a lot of pain over what happened. My relationship with the children has suffered as well, and I am very upset about that,” said Gene. Although he has moved on with his life, Gene doesn’t feel that he can totally trust another woman with his heart, and that makes him very angry. “She’s sent me cards and letters apologizing for what happened, and her family has been very supportive toward me, but for the rest of my life I’ll be asking myself why this happened. It’s changed me forever.”
“Ted,” 29, a physical therapist who lives in Staten Island (NY), was engaged to a woman who managed to escape the clutches of her physically abusive husband. Like Gene, he managed to provide a loving and warm environment for the woman and her three children. He even had several life-threatening confrontations with her husband shortly after the separation, but Ted never left her side. “My goal was to show her that she could be respected and loved and that she had someone she could depend onâÂ?¦no matter what,” stated Ted. He spent the majority of his time trying to convince her that good men existed by doing things like taking her to Broadway plays, the opera, several Yankees games, and long walks in the park, all of which were new to her. “I was ecstatic when she agreed to marry me several months into the relationship. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that she would end up going back to him. She claimed that she was doing it for the kids, but I was never able to accept that. As far as I know, he is still abusing her to this day. I hate that, and I hate the fact that something I believed in so strongly appeared to be a momentary thing. It hurts. It really hurts.”
“Jim”, a banker from Westchester (NY), “Russell”, a corporate executive from Los Angeles (CA) and “Raul”, a garment worker from Brooklyn (NY), each described how they had been in long-term relationships, but when they experienced financial hardships, due to being laid off and/or their inability to find employment outside their professions, the relationships came to an abrupt end. “I was with this woman for eight years, and we had a great relationship. She had a son that I adopted as my own. I didn’t hang with the boys on the weekend. I was always home. I cooked, cleaned and did the laundry. I felt this was the least I could do to help her since I was not working at the time, and I felt good doing them,” claimed Raul.
“I made valiant efforts to find work, and I was even willing to take positions that paid far less than what a person with a Master’s Degree should make. Unfortunately, many employers felt that I was overqualified for these positions. I pleaded with her to hold on to the relationship, and I tried to convince her that things would get better. It wasn’t enough to save us,” said Jim.
Russell agreed and added, “In the end, she stopped believing in me and wanted out of the relationship. I later found out that her ex-husband refused to work during the entire 10-year period of their marriage. She paid all of the bills and supported them. After I was laid off from my job, I guess she thought the same would happen with me. That’s what hurt me the most. I thought that as long as we had each other, and I was trying to find work, that would be enough to get us through it. Apparently, she thought otherwise.”
These examples are clear illustrations that good men are out there, and they are looking for loving, nurturing and committed relationships just as women are. However, as is the case for many women, they must battle the “ghosts” and insecurities that exist from previous relationships, and this makes it difficult for them to obtain, and maintain, a healthy and stable relationship. It’s a damn shame that these men suffered such cruel twists of fate. Based on their accounts, and testimonials from family and friends, they were exceptional men who were simply trying to do the right thing. All they wanted was to love and be loved, and in some cases they were more than willing to provide love, financial support and guidance to children that were not biologically theirs. In this day and age, where character and values are at the low end of the spectrum for many men, that speaks volumes!
There is no question that some men are heartless bastards, but there are also men who believe in having good, long-term, monogamous relationships and fight to maintain them. These men should be acknowledged, appreciated and respected. Contrary to popular belief, all men are not the same, and Gene, Jim, Raul and Russell are prime examples.
