Guide on How to Survive Your Husband’s Retirement
I’ve heard many similar complaints from others whose spouses are now spending more time at home due to retiring. The thing that’s important for them to realize is that there are some psychological adjustments that will have to be made.
My husband had to retire early due to health-related issues and it took about two years for him to adjust. He went through something akin to a grieving process.
Although women who retire have to adapt as well, we are a lot better at it than most men seem to be, largely because men define themselves by their work. When they are no longer a part of that work, they often struggle to find their identity.
Make him feel important.
Your newly retired man needs his ego to be bolstered, as no longer being at his job causes him to start questioning his worth.
It’s essential to do all you can to make him feel important. Praise is just as important to a man as it is for a woman, especially during this time.
Let him know, often, how much you appreciate his reliability. Tell him you’re glad to have him at home now, not just because you can have more time together, but because his being around to help will make your life easier.
When I ask my husband to do some minor repairs or assemble something or pick up something at the store for me, he feels useful. Believing that they have a purpose is fundamental to a man’s sense of emotional well-being.
During the times you are together, try to be affectionate to your recently retired mate. Men tend to feel emotionally unanchored as they start this adjustment process. Their job made them feel important and valued. Without it, their confidence suffers tremendously.
Give your husband random hugs and unexpected kisses throughout the day. Be sure to tell him how well he did something, or how much you love and depend on him.
Balance your time together by giving each other some space!
While being able to spend more time together now has a positive side, you want to also make sure that things are properly balanced in your relationship during this time.
Often, recently retired husbands have the idea that their wives are duty-bound to spend every waking hour of their time around them.
My friend regularly ran errands, was involved in social groups and helping out with her grandkids for years and her husband was fine with it when he was still working. Now, however, she says that he actually is resentful when she still participates in these same activities and accuses her of spending more of her time on them than on him. It’s beginning to cause some friction in their relationship, because she has no intention of spending the rest of their lives together sitting around him 24/7, watching him do nothing.
It’s pivotal to keeping your marriage stable during this time to allow each other to have some space occasionally and get some moments away from each other. While you are a couple, you are also two distinct individuals and you need time to breathe and explore your own hobbies and interests.
That way, when you do spend your time together, it is all the more precious.
Encourage your spouse to pursue a favorite hobby or develop a new interest. For my husband, it was cooking. He had learned some cooking way back when his kids were younger and he had to prepare something for when he had custody of them for weekends. He decided to learn more about cooking and now is pretty expert at it. As a matter of fact, he has gotten so territorial about the kitchen now, that he says he would rather be in charge of doing most of the cooking.
You will not hear a complaint from me about this!
For your husband, it could be woodworking, playing golf, fishing, volunteering. Whatever you can do to get him to expand his horizons can only be good for the both of you.
Travel!
One of the wonderful things about retirement is that you can do some traveling now. Even if your finances are limited, there is always somewhere you can go.
Join a Seniors group/ or organization, such as AARP, which offer special travel discounts for their members, including air travel, hotels, car rentals, tours, cruises and more.
If that’s financially beyond you for now, take some “little” trips. Spend the day at a park, spread out a blanket on the ground and have a picnic. Book a nice hotel or bed and breakfast for a weekend. If you live near the mountains or the beach, take a scenic drive and take in all the beauty of the view. Whatever you do, get out of that house sometimes and go somewhere.
As my mama used to say, “Don’t let the moss grow under your feet!”
Hop aboard the “Love Train”!
You may be older now, but you and your spouse can still enjoy each other physically. and sex is a fantastic means of relieving stress.
I’ve heard of a number of cases in which freshly retired husbands have a lack of confidence in themselves, sexually-speaking, for awhile. If that happens, first encourage him to go to a doctor, to make sure there are no physical reasons (i.e. health condition, prescription drug side-effects, etc.)
Some doctors might suggest that your husband take Viagra, Levitra or Cialis to help with any erectile dysfunction issues, but, if you are wary of the potential side-effects of allopathic medications, there are safe natural remedies and homeopathic remedies you can get him to try.
It can be a lot of fun coming up with things to put some passion back in your marriage.
You are never too old to use a little imagination and, if you are uncomfortable about asking friends for some good romantic ideas, there are a wealth of books,and magazine articles to help you out.
Learn to be flirty and playful with your husband again. The tendency for women who have been married for awhile to someone is to act almost maternal towards him.
If that’s you …STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
No more hideous flowered mumus, cotton house dresses or plaid robes and fuzzy slippers.
Make yourself attractive for him. If it takes getting into better shape, or changing your hairstyle or wearing pheromone perfume or dressing in lingerie, then do it!
Hubby’s retirement can be the gateway to renewed physical intimacy for the two of you.
If all else fails, get counseling!
Some men really dislike the idea of getting counseling, but, if nothing you try works, in terms of directing your husband towards optimism, he may need special help.
Encourage him to speak to a therapist or pastor or a male friend whose advice he trusts.
If you see that his depression is reaching dangerous levels, call his physician immediately!
Sharing in your husband’s retirement can be a blessing
All adjustments to life changes take time, but with love, patience, humor and determination, you and your spouse can enjoy his retirement years and this can be the best time of your lives!
