HACKS: The Top 5 Most Overused and Unfunny Comedy Routines EVER

Comedy has existed for millions of years in many unique forms. One of the more important and recognizable forms has always been simple stand up comedy. Stand up is often considered the purest form of comedy, as it is usually just a person with a microphone, telling jokes or “anecdotes” about their life, the world, and things that appear goofy to them from their point of view. One great thing about stand up is that there are no rules. As long as you are holding the microphone, the only rule you have to live by is: be funny.

However, over time it seems that many comedians have began to think alike, and offer very similar anecdotes and thoughts on a lot of the same topics. Most often, these similar references are only coincidental, as what the comedian is mocking is just so ridiculous that everybody cannot help but notice what is wrong with it. But every once in a while, a single topic will be beaten so far into the ground because of constant overuse, that no matter what reference to it a comedian uses, it will always fall flat. The most criminal of these offenders, one Jerry Seinfeld, should have been executed years ago for his crimes against comedy, as many of the references he used in his standup act are now so ridiculously overexploited, that they are considered a laughingstock (and not in a good way�mostly in a pathetic way).

So, below, I present to you the top five worst stand up comedy clich�©s. If you EVER hear a comedian use any of the following in their acts, feel free to hurl cabbages and tomatoes at them until the gigantic novelty cane yanks them off stage.

1. Airlines
Is there a more hackneyed topic to joke about than airlines? Weather it’s the food, the security, the stewardesses or just the person next to you, it seems like everybody hates to fly, and needs to express their anger in a comical way. I swear to godâÂ?¦.if I hear one more idiot talk about “how hard the peanuts are to get open from the little foil pouch” one more goddamn time, I’m going to see how hard it is for his family to exhume his body from the little foil pouch I put him in (that’s a body bag joke, for you scoring at home.) Airline jokes simply ARE NOT FUNNY because every single angle for this has been done for the past 30 years. From the Z-grade circus animal meat to the lady drinking her own breast milk, it’s all old news. The only thing funny about airlines anymore is when somebody treats them seriously. The funniest thing to ever happen on an airline, was when MO’ NIQUE considered suing united airlines because she was asked to leave the plane “LIKE AN ANIMAL!!!” after being informed that a hairdryer could be kept by her side. The actual tears that streamed down her over pampered and lobster stuffed cheeks were 10X funnier than any airline joke from the past century.

2. Infomercials
Everybody has seen an infomercial, and everybody knows how ridiculous they are, and yes, sometimes THEY are funny themselves. But talking about them isn’t. I know it’s funny that some British weirdo thinks he can fry milk on the hood of a car with a magical shaving cloth he invented from superman atoms, and to top it all off, he’s wearing a spinning bowtie. But how can you top that? Can you really make that funnier by adding your own stupid little reference point? You can’t! There’s a reason it’s on television, because it sells itself! Everybody knows that when they tune in, they’re going to laugh at how pathetically stupid Ron Popiel is. They don’t need you telling them he’s bald, they know it! They wrote it on the screen! They take a shot of whiskey every time his bald spot is shown! It’s common knowledge! Shut up!

3. Lame Sex Stories
How often have you seen a seemingly funny person, launch headfirst into a blatantly untrue and painfully unfunny sex story with him and his “girlfriend”? Don’t get me wrong, some sex stories can be quite funny, but the majority are way too far over the top to even be considered funny. When some fat and sweaty mincing individual who’s much to small for his suit jacket starts explaining exactly how he and Nicole Eggert smeared peanut butter all over the bust of Jimmy Durante before it was inserted into his anus, there is no possible way on earth you can believe this really happened. And if it’s not an “embarrassing” sex story, then it’s a “wacky” sexy story, that will usually end by the comedian saying a kid walked in, or they found out it was a man or something else completely ludicrous. More often then not, these all just seem like exaggerated letters to Penthouse forum where they’ve comedically photoshopped themselves into the mix.

4. Hospitals
Hospitals are along the same vein as airlines in the stand up world. Everybody seems to hate everything about them. I guess the difference between the two is that you didn’t choose to travel in a hospital; it’s usually someplace you HAVE to go to. But everything about a hospital is attacked. The food is nasty, the nurses abuse you/steal your change and the doctors are just so WACKILY unqualified for their triple digit incomes, that the comedian just has to talk about it! We’ve all heard it before: we know jello is green and we know that the nurse smells and we know the doctor is a potential rapist, but the point is, that as long as we don’t leave dead, we’re usually happy. And for the real people, who encounter a serious problem like having the wrong eyelid amputated, or having their hands placed where their feet should be, probably aren’t ready to put their feet together and guffaw with your “keen observation.”

5. Michael Jackson
No single name screams “hack!” from a comedian besides the mention of Michael Jackson. Using Michael Jackson’s name as a punch line is a cheap and lazy way to end any joke, and it’s all just because he’s horrendously disfigured and insane. Personally, I think that it’s more hilarious that he’s still a multimillionaire, is not in prison, and (somehow) still has millions of fans worldwide. That’s the real funny part. It’s so sickening funny in fact, no wonder he’s always smiling. I thought he just had that surgery where his face was stuck like The Joker’s from Batman, but why wouldn’t he just be happy? He gets to go through little boys like they’re My Buddy dolls, and the worst thing he has to encounter is a Jay Leno monologue? Seriously, any time somebody brings Michael Jackson’s name into anything, just stay away. Unless the joke has something to do with the Elephant Man’s bones (nobody jokes about that anymore).

So there you have it: five of the biggest hackneyed jokes topic in the business. But be warned: any topic can be added instantly just through complete over exposure. A few things you’ll want to look out for in the future include: myspace jokes, quoting ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and the high price of gasoline. Let us all hope that jokes become a little more creative and unique from us hating the old ones, and let us pray that Jerry Seinfeld has an aneurysm very soon.