HURRICANE KATRINA KLEANER
Misspelled words and bad grammar in this review are done on purpose to simulate the western dialect of this reviewer.
Howdy Pardner,
Once upon a time I was sittin’ on my couch mindin’ my own business, watchin’ the Dallas Cowboys whup the tar out uh them girly-man Seattle Seahawks. My better half walk on up ta me. She was lookin’ real good, and I thought she be a real peach, but she turned out to be a grapefruit-I gave her a squeeze, and she hit me in the eye! Just kiddin’ Hehehe!
That was one uh them Groucho Marx jokes I done learned. What she really done was hit me up side the head with a frying pan! So I guess that made her a very pissed-off grapefruit! “William Randolph Pinn! You are a no good lazy sorry sack a suds! [That ain’t what she really said, but you git the idea.] I cook, clean up after you and work two jobs to support you, and you ain’t got no appreciation! Git out a this house! Go on! Git!”
“Shucks! [That ain’t what I really said neither]” So I hop in my truck, turn on the radio, and drive to the city of sin: New Orleans. “On the road again…I just can’t wait to be on the road again…” Sing it Willie! Boy, that Willie Nelson sure kan sang! Yeeeehaaaaw!
Once I reached New Orleans and settled in, I realized that I had no woman to do the chores around the house. I now had ta kook n’ klean and scrub them thar floors. I felt like I died and went to red-neck hell.
I tried scrubbin’ the floor with all kinds uh kleaners I done bought at the convenience store called the Stop N’ Rob. None uh them Kleaners seamed ta work. None uh them would kleen my dirt-floor shack.
Not only that, but when I got down on my hands and knees like a pole-cat waitin’ ta be goosed, I noticed that my britches got all soggy. I was afeared uh what the neighbors might say. “Hey! Looky thar! Thar goes soggy britches!”
So I tried scrubbin’ my dirt-floor buck neked-but then the door bell rang, and I reckon I forgot that I was buck neked. Fortunately, it was my cousin Wilbert at the door. He was so drunk he paid me no never-mind. “(Belch!) Jest thought I’d stop on by ta see how yer gittin’ along.”
“Oh, I’m doin’ OK, I guess-but do ya know where I kan find me some powerful stuff to klean this here floor?”
“Why sure, Will! You kan git all kinds uh goodies at the red-light district. Why I bought me a car stereo and some medication thar jest the other day. Thars lots uh fine folks on the street corners who’ll take yer money and never turn ya away. They got lots a powerful stuff fer ya, Will. Check it out.”
So I headed on down the line to the red-light district, and met me a feller named Homeboy. For only $200 he sold me a real powerful bottle uh kleaner call Hurricane Katrina. Here’s a list uh the ingredients:
INGREDIENTS: 100 mile per hour winds; water-lots of it; salt; sodium hydroxide; sodium benzoate (preservative); cellulose gum (lemon scent).
I am so glad I done learned how ta read cause thar were some purdy powerful PRE-CAW-SHUN-ARY words on the bottle:
PRECAUTIONS: Always pack a suitcase and leave town before using this product. This product may be harmful if you stick around after each use.
It also say on the bottle that Hurricane Katrina will eliminate anythang that moppin’ and scrubbin’ leaves behind. Yippie! I couldn’t wait to try her out on my dirt-floor shack! So I read me the DI-REK-SHUNS:
DIRECTIONS: Carefully remove the cap from the bottle…then run like hell.
* * *
I must say, Pardner, this kleaner sure ‘nough done the job! When I came back to New Orleans, everythang was gone! Hurricane Katrina Kleaner really does eliminate what moppin’ and scrubbin’ leave behind. I wanted ta thank my cousin and Homeboy-but they was gone too.
The Bottom Line
I highly recommend this kleanin’ product-be sure to leave home without it.
