Handle a Divorce like Adults – Don’t Punish the Children

Divorce is never easy, but it’s especially hard when there are children involved. Trying to make the divorce as painless as possible for everyone, especially the children, is very important. The way you act and the things you say in front of them will stay with them forever. Unfortunately, some people don’t want to be adults about the matter and they want to take revenge on their spouse. What they don’t realize however, is that they are hurting the children more than they are hurting their spouse. Below I’ve listed some ways to lessen the pain of a divorce for your children.

Act like you’re friends, even if you’re not

This is important for the whole family. It’s important to the children because they are learning how to form relationships, and their parents are the biggest role models they have. If they see you treating each other with animosity and fighting like you hate each other, they’ll think that this type of behavior is acceptable. You’ll also make them feel as if they have to choose sides. Either they support mom or dad, but not both. That’s not fair to them, as they should be able to love both of you equally and not feel pressured to choose. Acting like you’re friends even though you’re not is also important to you as a couple. Practicing being cordial to each other might eventually lead to the two of you actually being friends, which would be a great thing for everyone.

Don’t degrade your child’s other parent in front of your child

Actually, you should try not to degrade your child’s other parent in front of anyone. Doing so just makes you look bitter and childish in the long run. After all, you’re the one who chose them. I have seen this done so many times, and it horrifies me every time. One parent is mad at the other and they tell their child that their daddy (or mommy) is bad or they don’t care about the child. Our parents are supposed to be our heroes, let’s keep it that way. Even though the other parent may be a terrible parent, don’t bring the children in it. This is a personal decision between the parents, and children should have nothing to do with it. Sure, you may think that your ex is the worst person in the world, but you don’t have to tell your children that. If they are as bad as you think they are, then your children will find that out on their own.

Don’t keep the child from the other parent

Unless there’s a possibility that your child could be harmed, please don’t keep your child from seeing their other parent. This is probably the worst thing that you could do to your child. If your ex wants to be part of their child’s life, let them. There are so many deadbeat parents out there that you should consider yourself lucky that your ex isn’t one of them. Children aren’t material items, and they aren’t supposed to be bartered. They are live human beings with feelings, so treat them that way. Don’t ever say to your ex “If you don’t do this for me you’re not seeing your child.” You’re only going to hurt your child in the end. They need that other parent, and if they are fortunate enough to have a parent that wants to be in their lives after a divorce, then they shouldn’t be deprived of that just because you don’t get what you want.

It’s very important that you try to get along with your ex, even if it’s only for the children. I have a daughter with my ex and she knows that mommy and daddy care about each other very much, because we do. Did we hate each other in the beginning? Sure we did, but we acted as civil as we could to each other and eventually the hurt went away and we became friends. I love the relationship that I have with my ex because we help each other out all the time. If you burn bridges with your ex, you’re going to be a single parent with no one to turn to for help and believe me when I say that it’s not easy. So, do the right thing and be friends. Everyone will benefit from it, especially your most prized possessions – your children.