Harry Potter’s Naked Ride
It seems that Mr. Radcliffe (who’s real name is actually insignificant, for better or worse he will be forever known as Harry Potter) has accepted a role in a London stage performance of the play “Equus”. This role requires young Potter to remove his wardrobe and mount a white stallion, which I can only assume will be real, though I’m still contemplating the logistics of a bunch of theatre people controlling a large barnyard animal in a presumably refined, English playhouse- the notion actually rattled around inside my diminutive mind for far longer than it ever should have. Anyway, Harry Potter Radcliffe is hardly that young anymore- he will still be 17 by the time this report makes its way to the electronic pages of AssociatedContent.com. A ripe and tender age under any circumstances, but a downright pornographic scene for the tormented homosexual psyche of Chester the Molester. Because if Daniel Radcliffe is 17 than I am 17, in other words, the kid seems to have been caught in some sort of Harry Potter magic spell- he looks about 13 years of age.
Who’s to say that Chester will show up in droves to see the performance, you ask. I am not privy to the London theatrical scene and thus it’s entirely plausible that the Harry Potter audiences will consist of nothing but artful elitists and noble savants. Perhaps, this pornographic bent was born solely out of my twisted wits. I’ll admit this, but don’t let it sound the alarms of buggery in your own anxious minds, for a pedophile I am not.
Mostly I worry about the children. The young and even younger still, the fans of the Harry Potter mythology. I personally loathe the whole Harry Potter ethos and generally look down on it as some kind of commercialized religion. I guess it’s hard when the “whatever it takes to get the kids reading” sentiment kicks in and the movie rights get sold for more money than my life will clearly ever be worth- which, by most, accounts, puts my POV somewhere between non-existent and cynical to the point of irrelevance. But, getting back to the children (AKA: the protection of a franchise, a brand).
I truly cannot believe that Warner Bros. is allowing Harry Potter to do this and frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if some nameless executive producer is already homeless because of it. Harry Potter is bigger than Daniel Radcliffe, but Daniel Radcliffe is Harry Potter: a paradox indeed. Any good studio exec would have put the kibosh on this whole “Equus” scenario before it ever had a chance to filter through the wire and into the unforgiving waters of the American 24-hour news networks. This could have and should have been done behind close doors and in the name of the “children”.
“Equus” just cost the Harry Potter franchise the ticket stubs of 2 million American families in the Midwest, good people who fear sexual innuendo almost as much as the inevitable terrorist attack on Beatrice, Nebraska.
