Hawaiian Luau Ideas for the Tourist to Take Home

Luau Ideas for the Tourist to Take Home
So you came to Hawaii and went to a luau (pronounced loo-ow), the Hawaiian feast you always heard of, and now you understand the real reason we call Hawaii “Paradise”. Unfortunately, you can’t pack up a souvenir luau in your suitcase to take back and show your friends. So you need some luau ideas to take home, that way you can at least offer them a shadow of the experience. (Make sure you pack some brochures with interesting facts about Hawaii, everyone likes trivia.)

If you are married, there is a 99.9% chance that you showed up wearing a matching Aloha-print outfit and one of you had a camera of some sort dangling from your neck. So you already know what to tell your guests to wear for the occasion. That was easy enough, yeah? See, some Hawaiian luau ideas are really simple.

Create a red paste by mixing sunscreen with food coloring. Have them spread this on their legs to create sunburn. All good tourists wear sunburn to luaus. (Note: Under no circumstance should the sunburn extend down beyond the ankle, or wherever the person’s sock ends.)

Be sure to set a good example and tack “yeah?” on to the end of a good number of sentences when you are explaining something or telling a story of your Hawaiian adventures. That’s pretty easy to do, yeah? Hopefully, they will pick it up as quickly as you did. You did notice this while you were here, yeah?

Now I’m sure you had a few tropical cocktails at the luau. If you didn’t have one (which I’ll never believe), you certainly saw one. It probably had some pineapple on clinging to the rim of the glass and an orchid and/or paper umbrella floating around, yeah? Those flattering accessories will turn a glass of plain iced tea into a tropical delight. And for goodness sake, get yourself a recipe to make a Blue Hawaii, a Chi Chi, a Pina Colada, and of course, a Mai Tai. Your guests will be impressed. Plus, a little buzz might add to the ambience that you are creating.

I know at the luau you ate to your hearts’ content, taking and tasting a little bit of everything, even wishing your belly was just a little bigger so that you could squeeze in one more piece of that coconut jello thing that you forgot the name of (haupia). You liked that, yeah? Well, here’s a secret. Kind of a secret anyway. Okay, it’s not a secret, but so what. You can pick up a few packets of haupia (how-pee-uh) mix at the grocery store. It won’t be the same as something homemade, but at least you can get it on the plane and home. Don’t be afraid, it’s easy to make. You don’t have to tell your guests that, yeah?

You will need some sort of main dish, but don’t do lau lau (like “how now ” with an “l”), more than likely the lot of you will end up with burning throats and itchy mouths from undercooked luau leaf. Maybe shred some pig and throw a little liquid smoke in it while it cooks. Better yet, get a recipe for chicken long rice before you leave. It’s inexpensive to make a whole bunch of that.

If you are planning to have your souvenir luau for your friends as soon as you get home, then make sure you buy some poi. There should be a code posted near the poi, explaining that the different color ties represent the day the poi was dropped off. Buy it the very day that you are leaving, and make sure it is fresh and not sour, yeah? That way you have a few days to organize your gathering. And you do want poi (pronounced boy with a “p”) there. After all, you had to try that gray, pasty looking stuff right? It’s all part of the authentic experience.

In fact, maybe you should provide a little entertainment. This is a naughty suggestion, because this entertainment is for you, not the guests. (Please ignore my evil grin.) I’m thinking you ought to have them play a little game, yeah? Have everyone place their hands behind their back; whoever finishes their poi bowl first, wins! Increase the entertainment value by making sure no one has had a chance to taste it before the contest begins. Don’t forget to use that camera hanging around your neck, yeah? If you value the friendships, be sure to have a nice prize (a pineapple would be good) waiting for the winner, as well as consolation prizes (coconuts work) for the people contemplating never speaking to you again.

If they are trying to leave at this point, you will have to resort to entertaining them. Since I haven’t got the slightest idea where you find a hula dancer in your town, I have to suggest that you’re it. Pick up a grass skirt while you are here, and one of those coconut bras (if you can get your boobs in it), and a CD with some ukulele (oo-koo-leh-leh) music going on. Just wiggle around and do what you think you remember. As long as you don’t invite anyone who’s been to Hawaii, no one will know the difference. These are the uninitiated, right?

Okay, we’ve covered attire, conversation, food, drinks, and entertainment. What’s left? Oh, we forgot decorations, yeah? If you are on a budget and tight for space, have your luau in your front yard and give everyone a beach mat to sit on. Sprinkle sand and shells all over the place, and make everyone go barefoot. You can also sprinkle baby coconuts everywhere.

Regardless of whatever else you have going on, if you don’t give your guests leis (pronounced lays), then you have no business calling your gathering a luau. Pick up some cheap silk leis (flower necklaces). If your budget does not allow that, make multiple trips to the Hilo Hattie store closest to your hotel. They give you a shell lei every time you walk in their doors.

And last but not least, don’t forget to greet your guests with Aloha. Not just the word, but the love that the word represents. Otherwise, you’ve missed the point.