Heat Wave

Old people and babies die. Young people have a lot more sex, especially with people they are not married to. Dogs pass rabies on.

Entire sections of cities black out, because folks will turn on the air conditioning to work in the airless high rises – go figger. The global warming crowd have something great and obvious to point to, proving their theory is correct.

Fans sell out. Water spray bottles disappear off the shelves. People stay inside their houses whenever possible, thus relieving traffic, smog, and wear and tear on cars. People wear and therefore wash less clothing.

Sun tanners rule. Bikinis are everywhere. The month without a holiday has people calling in sick right and left, going to the beach or staying home naked, watching TV or reading a book.

In the American desert, the heat is dry, and the sweat evaporates as you go, making it tolerable. I once recruited door to door in Casa Grade Arizona in 112 degree heat – best day I ever had recruiting. People felt sorry for me, invited me in to their cool houses, offered me drinks, signed up, made me promise to go home. I went three blocks over and did it again until I had twelve folks signed up!

In the American Southeast, the heat is wet, and the sweat runs down all the cracks and crevices it can find, like water eroding earth, making everything itchy and foul-smelling.

It’s not hotter now than it was before. The hottest times were 1913, and 1930. You know – the dust bowl, Grapes of Wrath, that sort of thing.

The thing is, it’s always hotter somewhere else. Or somewhen else. If you can figure out how to last just a little longer…